Disenchanted
by kayak
Summary: A One Piece fairy tale.
1. Chapter 1

Disenchanted

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, there lived King Zeff of Baratie. Being a cantankerous and temperamental old coot, very few people could stand being around him. He had an outlandish dream of building a floating castle, which he did. And he traveled the open seas on his floating castle, searching for the mystical, All Blue. Besides that, everyone thought he would die a childless man.

One day, King Zeff was blessed (or cursed) with a son. The Baratie Kingdom was overjoyed and arranged a magnificent celebration for his arrival. Of course no one questioned how King Zeff begot a child without a wife or even a girlfriend. A few secretly whispered it was parthenogenesis. Everyone else was concerned with the grand feast and the free food and booze that came with it.

As tradition demanded, the Baratie Kingdom invited all the good fairies to the celebration and to the Christening of the newborn. Invitations were sent out by the scores. Only three bothered to show up. Fairy Godfathers Brook, Chopper and Luffy. And they only came for the free food and booze.

Flapping his skeleton wings, Fairy Godfather Brook floated up to the cradle, bought out his wand and hummed a tune. "Dear sweet Prince..." he trailed, looking very confused. "Excuse me. What is his name?"

Everyone had a blank face. They all looked to King Zeff, who was only scowling. "What!" he snapped angrily. "You want me to name the brat?" He sighed and stared at the clock. "Call the little eggplant, Sanji."

Fairy Godfather Brook cleared his throat and began again. "Dear sweet Prince Sanji, I bless thee with the gift of fashion. Yoohoohoo!"

There were murmurs of skepticism. Fashion? Was that useful to have? Some shrugged their shoulders, others shook their heads, a few blew their noses and one person burped. The audience was quickly shushed up as the next gift was presented.

Following Fairy Godfather Brook was Fairy Godfather Chopper. He flitted up onto a stool and said in a loud clear voice, "I bless you with the gift of health." He waved his wand and little sparks shot out.

There were murmurs of approval. That was a very good gift. Yes, it was very useful and well-thought out. Fairy Godfather Chopper overheard the crowd's praise and started cussing at them before running off to hide in embarrassment.

Lastly, Fairy Godfather Luffy, who was already stuffing his face with food, spoke up, "Huh? Is it my turn?" He tore off a leg shank and fluttered over to the crib. He took a peek at Prince Sanji and started laughing his head off for no reason. He laughed for a very long while, falling to the floor and hugging his stomach.

King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

When the laughing subsided enough, Fairy Godfather Luffy waved his wand and shouted, "Gift of cooking for you!" He then darted off towards the buffet table.

A stunned silence filled the banqueting hall. Cooking? What was the newborn suppose to do with cooking? He was a prince and heir to the throne. Someone else would do the cooking for him. Again King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

And so the Christening ceremony ended with music and fireworks. The three good fairy godfathers bestowed onto the newborn prince the gifts of fashion, health, and cooking, which were probably better than nothing. So really, there was no point complaining about it.

Now in every one of these fairy tales with the fancy shindigs, there was always a party crasher who ruined the fun and made life miserable for everyone. This tale was no exception.

A loud smash broke the festivity as the doors of the castle blew open. A wet, stinky dark figure marched into the banqueting hall. He was dressed in black leather and wore a mask that covered his entire head.

"Halt!" Chancellor Patty cried, calling in the guards to stop him. An invisible force repelled them back as the dark figure made his way to the old king. The partygoers became scared. The three good fairy godfathers continued eating, but observed cautiously.

King Zeff lifted his head in boredom. "I suppose you're here for the free food and booze."

"No!" the tall stranger screeched. He raised a hand, pointing a finger at the king. "Why was I not invited?"

"Do I know you?" King Zeff asked suspiciously.

"I am a fairy godfather!"

"You're a fairy godfather?" King Zeff asked, noticing no wings or a wand. The mysterious dude was twice the height of the tallest man there. He was a fairy?

"Why didn't I receive an invitation?" he demanded.

"Maybe the invitation was lost in the mail," King Zeff reasoned. He turned to look at Magistrate Carne, who only frowned and shrugged his shoulders. "Since you're here, help yourself to the food and booze. We have plenty for everyone."

"No! I do not believe you!" the stranger screeched again. He stomped foot, furious at the king. "I place a curse on your son for ignoring me!"

"Hmm?" This alarmed King Zeff a tiny bit and a terrible hush fell over the banqueting hall. Even the three good fairy godfathers stopped eating to hug each other and gasp in fear.

"On his sixteenth birthday and forward," the dark stranger sneered, waving his harpoon, "the prince will become madly lovesick with every pretty girl he sees."

There was a long pause of silence and then long sighs of relieve. For a moment there, they all thought the prince would die on his sixteenth birthday, or something worse like acne. Lovesick with pretty girls? That wasn't so horrible.

King Zeff simply waved him off and wandered to his bedroom, rubbing his temples. He could feel a headache coming on. The three good fairy godfathers finished the buffet table and headed for the dessert table. Everyone else returned back to the party, effectively ignoring the party crasher.

The angry fairy godfather yelled and stamped, and then he stormed out of the castle the same way he came in, but not before grabbing some food and booze.

Over the years, Prince Sanji grew into a fine young man. A snazzy dresser and a fantastic cook, he wowed the kingdom with his stylish clothes and amazed them even further with his cooking. Kind and generous, he fed anyone that was hungry and never turned anyone away. Unfortunately he picked up some bad habits like smoking, cussing, and picking fights, but overall he was a semi-decent prince.

No one remembered the curse that was placed on him years ago by the mysterious party crashing fairy godfather. And certainly no one bothered to mention this to Prince Sanji so he had no idea what was in store for him. It was such a long time ago and very unmemorable, so how could they?

And so while the Baratie Kingdom was preparing for Prince Sanji's sixteenth birthday party, it finally happened. The curse took effect. It was a few hours before the blessed day and Prince Sanji was entertaining visiting royalties.

Now you may ask why did the curse occur a few hours before his birthday? Shouldn't it have happened on the day of his birth? Apparently, after a series of conferences with all the fairies, witches, wizards and etc, all curses, blessings and enchantments were to follow the UTC, Coordinated Universal Time. This ruling was decided in order to regulate and to standardize all magic uses. Basically time had to be accurate and precise, down to the very nanosecond. So technically, by UTC standard, the curse did occur on his birthday.

Anyhow, back to the story...

Who could have possibly predicted how badly the curse would go? The people, who witnessed it first hand, were still traumatized by it to this day and they never came back to visit the Baratie Kingdom ever again.

Like a hurricane, it hit. First, Prince Sanji was politely serving drinks and snacks to the neighboring royal family. Suddenly he stood still and stared wide-eyed at the young pretty princess like he had never seen a girl before. The next you know it, he was sprouting nonsensical things like, "Coffee, tea, or me?" His eyes went heart-shaped and his body wiggled like a giant noodle. It was horribly embarrassing.

King Zeff could only watch in horror as Prince Sanji pranced around, uttering poetic jargon and professing his dying love. While the prince did come on a little too strong, it was nothing compared to what came later. The young princess, who was frightened and disturbed by the sudden amorous behavior of the young prince, quickly flew into the arms of her well-endowed, scantily clad maid-in-waiting. The sight of two beautiful girls, locked in a tight embrace, was a little too much for Prince Sanji and so the blood came. So much blood.

Never in all the kingdoms was there such a nosebleed as the one Prince Sanji had. Blood surged out like a torrential river, propelling him off his feet. The visiting guests had enough and left screaming murder. The servants and courtiers came running from every room in the floating castle to help the poor prince, who was lying in a pool of his own blood. They all feared the worst.

Motionless with hearts in his eyes, was he dead? A couple of people started wailing their eyes out.

Suddenly, Prince Sanji sat up and blinked, looking a little worn and confused, but otherwise very much alive. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it and took a long drag from it. Miraculously the gift of health had saved his life.

"So what do you want for dinner?" Prince Sanji asked nonchalantly.

The kingdom was bursting with joy and happiness to see the young prince alive and safe. King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

The forgotten curse had come to pass and the birthday party was sadly canceled, but it didn't end there. At every opportunity, the prince chased after every pretty girl he saw, swooning and cooing. He fell in love with every one of them. But no girl took him seriously and he was rejected at every turn. He was hopeless.

With great sadness, King Zeff had to ban all pretty girls from the kingdom. Only homely old women were allowed to stay. It was for the prince's best interest as well as for the pretty girls.

As the years passed, the Baratie Kingdom fell deep into despair and lost all hope. (No pretty girls and no parties. How would you feel?) For who could ever love a lovesick dumbass?


	2. Chapter 2

Disenchanted

There once lived a queen doctor who was well over 130 years old. Queen Kureha lived by herself on a high mountain covered by snow, drinking plum sake all day. One day a sickly young princess appeared and demanded medical treatment. Her name was Princess Nami. She was greedy, bossy, and difficult to please. Instead of sending her away, the queen doctor took pity on her, brought her into the castle and cured her. When Princess Nami was healthy, the queen doctor knocked her out and locked her up in the highest tower of the castle.

For years Princess Nami stayed in the tower, mooching off Queen Kureha. Her hair grew to such a long length, the cost of shampoo and conditioner became stupidly exorbitant. Not only that, it was a pain to move around, lugging all that hair. And you couldn't imagine how messy it got whenever she shed her hair. Why Princess Nami simply didn't leave or get a haircut, no one knew the answer.

For fun and to pass the time, everyday Queen Kureha tried to kill Princess Nami. The queen doctor used guns, knives, poisons, booby traps, anything that she could think of. And everyday Princess Nami escaped death and continued to mooch off Queen Kureha. Whether it was by cunning, mettle, luck or the combination of the three, again no one knew the answer.

One day, bored out of her mind, Princess Nami spotted a peculiar sight out the tower window. A bit of green moss moving stealthily through the deep white snow. Realizing it was only the directionless Huntsman Zoro, who was hired to kill her, she blew a raspberry at the idiotic fool. For days, Princess Nami had seen him wandering outside. He had carved a trench through the white snow that went zigzagging all over the place. A few times he came close to the castle to only end up further away from where he started from.

Grabbing book from the shelf, Princess Nami took aim and heaved it out the window. It made a satisfying thump on Huntsman Zoro's head and he sank briefly into the snow. It took a couple of seconds before the top of his green head reappeared from the snow. Huntsman Zoro shook the snow off his head and looked around after finding the book that had hit him. Finding nothing, he continued his trek through the snow as if nothing had happened.

Well that only entertained Princess Nami for a few minutes. Bored again, she left window, wondering if Queen Kureha was dropping by today. She missed the old queen doctor. She hadn't tried to kill her in a few weeks. Princess Nami sighed and felt the heavy weight of loneliness. Or maybe it was the colossal length of hair dragging her down wherever she went.

Anyways, living by herself in the tower, Princess Nami often contemplated what the world was like beyond the snowy mountain. What kind of people were there and were they rich with tons of treasure? Most importantly, she thought about whether or not there was a shampoo out there that didn't leave her hair feeling flat and dehydrated.

Far out in the sea, where the floating castle sailed, King Zeff sat on his throne, pondering what the hell he was suppose to do with his son, Prince Sanji. The curse was still in effect and there seemed to be no solution or cure in sight. Despite banning all the pretty girls from the kingdom, the prince still pined for them. But with his lovesick and his nosebleeds, there was nothing to be done. It was a lost cause.

One shining afternoon, Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne came charging in, each pushing back at the other as they tried to reach King Zeff first.

"King Zeff! King Zeff! I have come upon a brilliant answer to Prince Sanji's problem," Chancellor Patty exclaimed.

"It wasn't your idea," Magistrate Carne pouted. He puffed up his chest and punched the chancellor. "I thought of it first."

"No, you didn't!"

"Nonsense! You couldn't think past your own nose."

"Enough!" King Zeff shouted. "Speak or leave."

Chancellor Patty coughed and spoke, "The mysterious fairy godfather stated that Prince Sanji will be lovesick with every _pretty_ girl he sees. Correct?"

"Tell me about it." King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

Magistrate Carne shoved Chancellor Patty aside. "There is a way around it, your majesty," he cut in with a grin.

They both stood quiet and held their breaths, letting the drama build up. This only irritated King Zeff.

"Let us find Prince Sanji the ugliest maiden in all the kingdoms," they said in unison.

King Zeff raised his eyebrow and frowned at them. "The ugliest maiden? How is that suppose to help him?"

"Prince Sanji is of marriageable age. We shall find him the ugliest maiden to marry."

Still not seeing where this was going, King Zeff shook his head. "How is that suppose to break the curse on him?"

"Sire, don't you see? Once Prince Sanji is married and settled down, he won't go chasing after pretty girls anymore." Chancellor Patty paused a moment and thought about the validity of his statement. "Well, he shouldn't be chasing after them."

"A clever idea, isn't it," Magistrate Carne said, beaming with pride. Chancellor Patty nodded in agreement.

King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

"We shall hold a ball and invite all the ugly maidens," Chancellor Patty exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Won't it be exciting? We haven't had a party in ages!"

"We will have a wonderful feast. And don't forget the dancing. Prince Sanji will love it!"

Together Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne left the throne room arm in arm. They chatted excitedly among themselves, planning out the food, booze, and music. Even if King Zeff had protested and told them they were idiots, they wouldn't have heard him. Their thoughts were preoccupied on the ball and they were giddy as a schoolgirl over it.

Just think. A royal ball, and hopefully a royal wedding soon after that.


	3. Chapter 3

Disenchanted

Princess Nami didn't know what to do. She wanted to shout for help, but what good would that do. No one would hear her cries. She stood dumbfounded, staring at Queen Kureha. The old queen doctor only took a swig from her plum sake bottle and cackled softly at her.

"I'm getting married?" Princess Nami asked stupefied. It was the dumbest thing she had ever heard. "Why?"

"So you stop mooching off of me."

Princess Nami said nothing and gave a weak laugh. She had no excuse for that. Slowly she inched her way sideways toward the door, hoping to make a break for her room when a knife flew out and struck the space next to her head. She muffled a fearful squeak. The knife's handle vibrated from the impact and the blade was embedded entirely in the solid brick wall.

Still trying to kill her, Queen Kureha was such a riot. Princess Nami smiled sweetly and ignored the knife. "What a delightful idea. I would love to get married."

Queen Kureha gave her toothy grin and cackled. "Get packed. We're leaving in three days." Taking one last chug from her bottle, she sauntered off to find another bottle of sake.

Feeling depressed, Princess Nami wandered aimlessly back to her room. She thought they were bonding so well, Queen Kureha as the crazed, evil queen and she as the beautiful, innocent, but talented princess. Now Queen Kureha was marrying her off.

Princess Nami stuck her tongue out at the proposal. She was not in the marrying mood. She had things she wanted to do first. She had aspirations and goals. She wanted to travel to far off land and draw maps. It was what every princess dreamed of.

Now all of that would be gone in three days. Three days. She had only three days to figure a way out of this impending marriage to whoever Queen Kureha found. What should she do?

Think, think, think. She paced the whole length of her room, thinking.

Then the answer came to her so perfectly and so clearly, Princess Nami had to giggle to herself. Of course there was work to pull it off, but if done correctly she wouldn't have to worry about marrying anybody.

First thing first, she needed her biggest fluffiest dress. It should be hidden away somewhere in her closet. It was a hideous blue and yellow gown that she bought on a whim because it was on sale. Bad mistake. She swore never to buy anything from a catalog ever again. She aired it on her bed and found it acceptable. Next she needed a haircut.

When Princess Nami decided on the length of hair to keep, she snipped it off little by little. She felt an immediate difference. It was like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. She admired her new hairdo in the mirror and wondered why she didn't get a haircut ages ago.

Tying her cut hair with a silk ribbon, she saved it and stored it in safe place. She would need it later. After that she went to the kitchen to check if there was any caramel apple crumb pie left. If you've never tried Queen Kureha's pies, you've never lived. Luckily the queen doctor had baked a fresh pie.

Finally the hardest part of her plan. With a long piece of twine wrapped around the handle of a frying pan, she headed back to the tower window to find her key player of her plan.

Huntsman Zoro still roamed the white snow land and was still just as lost. He was further away from where she last saw him a couple of days ago. Princess Nami squinted her eyes to make sure she had right distance. It would be a big throw for her. Taking a few steps back, she ran up to the window and chucked the fry pan right out. It soared through the air, heading straight for her target.

It clunked Huntsman Zoro on the head and he went down for the count for the second time. She watched with great anticipation as he reemerged from the white snow and discovered the frying pan. Surely someone like him couldn't be as dense as he seemed. The twine that was tied around the frying pan, led back to the castle. All he had to do was follow the twine back and he would reach the castle. Very simple.

It seemed everything was going according to Princess Nami's plan when she gasped in horror. He was as dumb as he looked. Huntsman Zoro untied the twine and tossed it aside. The frying pan, he kept and he moved on, ignoring the twine.

Princess Nami was biting her knuckles. He took the frying pan? What was he going to do with a frying pan? Her hands covered face, wanting to cry at her stupid predicament. Did she have to go out there and drag him back herself?

But all was not lost. Suddenly Huntsman Zoro halted in his march and peered back at the twine, considering. He went back and picked it up. His eyes traced the twine back to the castle, wondering and scratching his head. Princess Nami held her breath. Her hands clenched into fists as if she was trying to will him to follow the twine. It seemed to have worked because he did.

Princess Nami did a little happy dance and sprinted back to her room to get ready.

Regrettably, it still took Huntsman Zoro the whole three days to track the twine. By the time he reached the castle, Princess Nami was distressed beyond reason. He was really cutting it close for her.

"Get inside," Princess Nami called to him. She grabbed him, pulled him and slammed the door.

Huntsman Zoro was unconcerned and calmly dusting the snow off his shoulders. He looked around where he was and let out a small whistle. He was impressed, despite his flat emotionless expression. "Nice place."

"Thanks."

"You are Princess Nami?"

"Yes, and you are Huntsman Zoro."

He nodded. Then he drew his three swords and advanced towards her. "It's nothing personal. It's just work."

Princess Nami pretended to be afraid and backed away from him. "Oh what are you going to do me?"

"Kill you. Don't worry, I'll make it fast. Then I will cut out your heart, or your liver, or your spleen, or your..." Huntsman Zoro trailed. He was uncertain which one it was. "I know it's one of your internal organs. Maybe it's your lungs."

"Ah, yes," Princess Nami mumbled, shaking her head. "But before you kill me, maybe you would like some freshly baked caramel apple crumb pie." Not that the pie was freshly baked anymore, but she was sure he couldn't tell the difference.

"Pie?" He looked hungry.

"Trust me when I say this pie is to die for."

It didn't take that much coaxing from Princess Nami to convince Huntsman Zoro to have some pie. She led him to the kitchen, where she brought out the pie and sliced him a piece. He took one bite and collapsed on the floor, snoring like a bear. Princess Nami was surprised. Usually she had to eat the whole slice before she was overcome with food coma.

Princess Nami was about to leave the kitchen when she realized something. She missed a small detail to her plan. Huntsman Zoro needed to be in her room and there were five flights of stairs between the kitchen and her room in the tower. She groaned and smacked her forehead. No trouble for a genius princess like herself to solve, but still extra work for her. Had she had better foresight, she could have avoided it.

Utilizing a four-to-one pulley, a carabiner, and a harness, Princess Nami hauled him up and got him to her room. It was a bumpy trip for Huntsman Zoro, hitting all those steps, but he continued to snore away.

Once inside her room, Princess Nami got down to business.

At last the evening came and Queen Kureha arrived in a sleigh driven by Guardsman Dalton. She climbed out and seated her sunglasses on top of her head, looking up. "Princess Nami," she called. "Are you ready?"

"Almost done," Princess Nami shouted out the window. She gave the knot a good tug and then checked on the rest of bindings. Everything seemed secured. She stepped back to study her work. The makeshift wig, the puffy dress and the heavy veil were clumsily in appearance, but good enough.

"Queen Kureha, my feet hurt. Please send Guardsman Dalton to carry me down." Princess Nami waited in suspense until she saw Queen Kureha nod to Guardsman Dalton. He dashed into the castle. Wasting no time, she quickly stashed Huntsman Zoro's swords in the closet and then hid herself under the bed.

The door opened and a pair of boots appeared. They approached the bed and stopped. There was a rustling noise. The bed rose slightly and then the door closed.

Expecting at any moment they would uncover her ruse and come charging back into the room, Princess Nami stayed underneath the bed, not daring to move. She didn't know how long she waited until she heard the sleigh bells ring. Squirming from her hiding place, she ran over to the window to see the sleigh vanish into the night.

Princess Nami couldn't believe her eyes. They were really gone. She had fooled them.

Amazed at her own ingenuity, she might have jumped up and shout for joy, but she was in a hurry. There was no time for a celebration. Grabbing her clothes and anything of value, she bundled up her belongings. To the kitchen she went, pilfering the cupboard and pantry of anything good to eat. She made sure to pack an extra slice of Queen Kureha's apple pie.

Loaded up with everything that wasn't tied down, Princess Nami glanced back for one last look at the castle. The hard part was over. Now came the scary part. Tentatively, she took a step out, followed by a resolved step. Soon she was marching confidently into the unknown. There was a world to see and to map.


	4. Chapter 4

Disenchanted

Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne planned a grand ball for Prince Sanji in the hope that he might find a bride. Much preparation was needed and the ball was to occur in only three days. The food, booze, music and decoration had to be arranged. Invitations were quickly sent to all the ugly maidens in the neighboring kingdoms. How they did this without offending anyone was a miracle.

There was a great flurry of excitement for all the ugly maidens. They bought new dresses, wigs, and shoes and talked about nothing but the royal ball. Imagine, meeting the prince and a chance to become his bride. They were squealing like little girls. It was a dream come true for them.

While everyone was busy organizing the grand feast, one person was stewing with anger. The royal ball did not sit well for Prince Sanji. He did not want to attend a ball with only ugly maidens and he certainly did not want to marry any one of them. King Zeff was no help to him. He didn't give a crap one way or another. Prince Sanji tried to kick some sense into Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne, but they were too fixated on the idea of marrying him off. It was his princely duty to find bride, they told him. Of course, Prince Sanji could have pointed out that King Zeff was a still bachelor, and they should be trying to marry him off first, but he didn't think of it at the time.

And so Prince Sanji surrendered and let them have their shitty ball. They were too happy over the idea of having a party. It would have been mean and ill-spirited of him to end it all simply because they were inviting ugly maidens. Ugly maidens were people and they had feelings too. He was always told it was what was on the inside that mattered. Beauty was only skin deep. Besides, it was not like they could force him to marry anyone. He just won't choose a bride. So how bad could the ball be?

On the night of the royal ball, Prince Sanji wore his best black double-breasted suit with gold enamel buttons. He had on a dark blue paisley silk tie, but no crown. Crowns were so old-fashioned. Not that there was a crown to wear, but if there was one, he wouldn't wear it. Putting on some tinted glasses, he finished dressing in front of the mirror. He took a deep breath and hoped for the best.

Prince Sanji left for the banqueting hall when he suddenly felt ill. Not ill, more like nauseous. The feeling soon passed, but it was a strange feeling nonetheless. He had never been ill in his entire life. He prayed it wasn't a bad omen.

Throughout the whole feast, Prince Sanji stayed glued to his royal seat. He put his full concentration on the food he was eating, trying impossibly to ignore all the whistles and howls tossed in his directions. One maiden had fainted over him and had to be taken outside for fresh air, which should have pleased him, except that he was miserable.

The maidens, if they really were maidens, were all ecstatic to see him. They were down right crazy to see him, screaming and swooning. But somehow Prince Sanji couldn't share their enthusiasm. He couldn't even look at them. He swore some of them looked like... But that would be impossible. No maiden could be that ugly. Right?

Prince Sanji felt a nudge to his side and he turned to see Chancellor Patty grinning and giving him a thumb up. He looked away and downed his wine glass in one gulp.

Magistrate Carne came behind him and gave him a huge pat on the back. "See anybody you like, your highness?"

Prince Sanji silently shook his head, unable to say anything. His hand twitched for the cigarette pack in his coat pocket. He needed a smoke badly.

Chancellor Patty burst out laughing. "There are so many maidens to chose from, the prince has turned shy."

"Don't worry. Once the dancing begins, our prince will meet them all."

"Dancing? I have to dance with them? Are you serious?" Prince Sanji felt weak.

"Of course there is dancing! It is a ball."

Like the ringing of the funeral bells, the music started. All the ugly maidens fought among themselves to be the first to dance with Prince Sanji. There was a lot hair-pulling, scratching, and kicking. Clothes were torn and nails were broken. The one who emerged victorious was a hulky woman in a frilly pink dress. She had more chin hair than King Zeff.

Prince Sanji didn't want to leave his royal seat. His hands held the armrests like his life depended on it.

"Come, come! Don't keep her waiting," Chancellor Patty said, grabbing Prince Sanji's wrists. He pulled at them, but he wouldn't budge. Magistrate Carne joined in and together they pulled.

"No shitheads! You can't make me dance with her!" Prince Sanji objected.

"Don't be silly. You'll hurt her feelings. I'm sure she is a sweet maiden."

"Are you sure she is a maiden?" he countered.

Prince Sanji lost. Both armrests broke with resounding cracks. He was wrenched from his seat and tossed to the manly maiden. She caught him in a giant bear-hug and they danced. Actually it was more like she danced while Prince Sanji was carried in her hairy muscular arms. He felt his heart crushed by her grip.

All night long, Prince Sanji danced. He danced with all kinds of ugly maidens. Maidens that needed to shave their whiskers. Maidens that needed to wax their legs. Maiden that needed to wear deodorant. Maidens that needed to go on a diet. It was a nightmare.

Happily, there were rare moments of respite for Prince Sanji. From time to time, fights broke out among the ugly maidens and he took that chance to escape. One opportunity gave him enough time to smash one of the windows with a chair. He would have gotten away if shitty Magistrate Carne hadn't caught him. Prince Sanji cursed and cried as he was dragged back to the dance floor.

Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne stepped out onto the deck, congratulating each other on a job well done. They were sure of success. Out of all the maidens, there had to be one who could catch Prince Sanji's fancy. A royal wedding was in the near future.

"What do you think of that one? Prince Sanji was holding her rather closely," Magistrate Carne asked.

"The bald one?" Chancellor Patty laughed. "I don't think so. I think he likes her." He pointed to the maiden with four missing teeth. Her face was covered in pockmarks.

"You are stupid! Even the maiden over there is better than her."

"The maiden with the sagging bosom? You are the stupid one. She is old enough to be King Zeff's mother." Chancellor Patty's face colored in rage. He gripped Magistrate Carne by the collar of his shirt, shaking him.

Magistrate Carne sneered and pushed Chancellor Patty off of him. "I know I have more sense than you. I'll have you know Prince Sanji prefers mature maidens."

"Mature?" Chancellor Patty harrumphed. "At least I am not dumb enough to marry Prince Sanji to a grandmother."

Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne were about ready to duke it out when they heard bells jingling out on the sea. Curious, they stopped in their bickering and turned to see a tiny speck in the far horizon. Slowly that speck grew in size until they were able to discern the shape. It was a magnificent silver sleigh pulled by a pair of snowy lapahns. Swiftly it flew over the choppy waves like it was moving across ice.

Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne stood in quiet awe. Was it Santa Claus?

The sleigh slid to a stop and a slender elegant woman hopped off. She grappled with the ropes on the dock. Skillful and strong, she had no trouble pulling in the sleigh by herself. Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne frowned, wondering who she was.

"Did you invite her?" Chancellor Patty whispered. "She doesn't look very ugly."

Magistrate Carne only shook his head.

Of course Chancellor Patty spoke too soon. The mysterious woman flipped off the hood of her cloak and revealed herself. Her face freaked both men. They almost fainted from the shock. Magistrate Carne recovered faster compared to Chancellor Patty, who was still trying to calm his nerves. He rushed over to receive Queen Kureha.

Magistrate Carne bowed. "Queen Kureha. We are honored by your arrival." He extended his hand to her, but she ignored it. Instead, she took a long drink from her plum sake bottle.

"I brought her. Just like you requested."

"Your ugly daughter?" Magistrate Carne asked excitedly. He peered over to the sleigh to see the driver and another figure seated in the back. She wore a puffy yellow and blue dress and had hair so long that it filled the entire floor of the sleigh. Her face he could not see.

"Not my daughter. Just some princess mooching off me," Queen Kureha corrected.

"Is she really ugly?"

Queen Kureha grinned and cackled at him. "She's so ugly, I had to lock her away in my tower."

Magistrate Carne was thrilled. Going by Queen Kureha's appearance, the princess must truly be a ugly maiden. It was a double bonus for them. Ugly and of royal blood. An excellent match for Prince Sanji.

"Wait!" Chancellor Patty wasn't so certain. He approached the sleigh and stepped inside. "I wish to view her first."

Queen Kureha nodded and allowed him access.

Timidly Chancellor Patty drew near the princess, who remained motionless as if in a deep sleep. He didn't find it strange that the princess was bound at the ankles and wrists. Nor was he alarmed when he lifted her veil to see her mouth gagged with a towel. Instead Chancellor Patty screeched like a little child and jumped back, revolted.

"Holy Mother! God have mercy on us all! She is the ugliest princess I have ever seen!"

Feeling triumphant, Magistrate Carne pumped his fist in air and then ran over to hug Chancellor Patty. He was overjoyed. "Hurry! Look at the time. The night is very late. Prince Sanji must meet her immediately."

Guardsman Dalton hefted the princess over his shoulder and brought her into the hall where everyone was assembled. He was careful of her dress and her extra long hair. He knew how important the dress and hair was to a princess.

Every so often there were muffled sounds of protects, emanating from the princess. Chancellor Patty gave Guardsman Dalton a confused look. He simply said, "Her feet hurt."

"Where is Prince Sanji?" Magistrate Carne shouted. He pushed ahead of the crowd, looking for him. Though they searched every inch of the dance hall, there was no sign of the prince.

"Your majesty. Have you seen Prince Sanji?" Chancellor Patty asked.

King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes. "The fool ran back to his room crying after a maiden try to kiss him." He shook his head at the nonsense. "Who's that?"

"Your majesty. Let me introduce to you, Prince Sanji's future bride. She is a princess from the Sakura Kingdom," Chancellor Patty explained. It wasn't much of an introduction since the princess was upside down, hanging on Guardsman Dalton's shoulder, but Guardsman Dalton did manage a respectful bow.

"Oh." Like King Zeff really cared.

"We must hurry to Prince Sanji. They must meet. It will be love at first. I just know it." Magistrate Carne giggled.

Everyone stood outside of Prince Sanji's room, pounding on his door, but there was no reply.

"Why does he not answer the door?"

Worried for his safety, they broke down the door. They were surprised at what they found inside. The dresser drawers hung open and the closet door left ajar. His room was emptied of all his clothes and belonging.

Chancellor Patty covered his face and cried. "Someone broke in and robbed the castle! They've kidnapped the prince!" Panic struck Chancellor Patty and Magistrate Carne and they ran off screaming for help.

"Does this mean the wedding is off?" Guardsman Dalton asked Queen Kureha. The queen doctor shrugged her shoulders. King Zeff grumbled and rolled his eyes.

Suddenly the chimes of midnight sounded. The servants and courtiers came running from every corner of the castle to hunt down the bandits and rescue their prince. Despite their most valiant effort, it was all for naught. They wailed and wept, for all they could find of their beloved prince was his one black shoe.

After the ruckus had died down and all the ugly maidens left the ball, King Zeff found a quiet secluded spot and sat down. Taking out a scrap of paper from his possession, he read the contents. He had found it, lying on the floor of Prince Sanji's bedroom. The note was hastily written, but legible.

_Shitty Geezer, I've run away. Don't look for me. Sanji._

King Zeff chuckled and a small smile appeared. Had anyone looked at him, they would not have seen his smile underneath his thick mustache. He rarely ever smiled.

About time he left.


	5. Chapter 5

Disenchanted

Princess Nami had no idea where she was going. She made it down the snowy mountain without any trouble and found the warmer weather wonderful. Now she needed a plan. A spur of the moment thing, she hadn't thought through her journey very well.

Stopping by an inn, Princess Nami got something to eat and drink. While perusing her own map, she asked innkeeper if there was any points of interest to visit. The old man scratched his chin and thought a bit before answering. He mentioned a few curious places that caught Princess Nami's attention: Wonderland, Oz, Neverland, Fantasia and the most magical place of all, Disneyland.

Upon hearing she was a princess, the innkeeper became friendly. Too friendly.

"Can you believe the nerve of that man?" Princess Nami mumbled to no one in particular. She had left the inn in a hurry and was trudging along the dirt road, feeling annoyed and tired.

It sucked being a princess. If people weren't trying to kill her, they were trying to marry her. Suddenly being locked up in the tower didn't seem so bad after all. She got her own room, a great view of the frozen wasteland and three meals a day. What more could she have asked for? Now all alone in the great world, she realized she took for granted what she had and it really sucked. And what was worse than being a princess? Being a poor princess.

All the wonderful places the innkeeper listed were very far away, which meant a lot traveling expenses. She needed find a way to earn some funds because drawing maps wasn't going to be a cheap hobby.

At midday Princess Nami arrived at a little cottage, partially built. It was missing a door and a roof and the windows were leaning against a tree. When she got near, she saw that the little house was made of bread.

Who would build a house out of bread? Princess Nami wondered. It was best to build a house out of bricks or even sticks. Hell, a house made out of straw was better. With bread, you're inviting all sorts of vermin and pests. Not to mention the bread would eventually spoil.

Setting down her backpack, Princess Nami stretched out her hand and broke a piece of the wall. She eyed it, turned it over in the sunlight and sniffed it. It smelled something like pumpernickel. Finding nothing suspicious about it, she took a tiny bite and chewed. Yup, definitely pumpernickel.

"Who's nibbling like a mouse? Who's nibbling on my house!" a voice demanded from within the partially built cottage. A tall thin man wearing a yellow robe and a pointy wide-brimmed hat came storming out. "Stop! Don't eat my house!"

When he saw Princess Nami, he stomped his feet, which happened to be wearing a pair of sparkling topaz loafers. "Who are you and why are you eating my house?"

"I'm the building inspector. Do you have a permit to construct a pumpernickel house?" Princess Nami lied.

The strange man froze for an instant and his face contorted in fear. Then his eyes narrowed as he studied her appearance. "You're no building inspector."

"You got me," Princess Nami confessed, giggling a little to herself. She extended her hand to greet him. "My name is-"

"How dare you! I, the great Good Wizard of the East Usopp, shall make suffer you 8000 deaths for nibbling on my house!" Wizard Usopp raised his hands high in the air and growled. The sleeves of his robe sunk below his elbows, baring his skinny arms.

Nothing happened and he held that pose for a couple of minutes. Princess Nami frowned and folded her arms across her chest. She was unimpressed. "Really? You're suppose to be the Good Wizard of the East? Which part of 'make you suffer 8000 deaths' is suppose to be good?"

Wizard Usopp lowered his hands. "Well, I..." he bumbled, looking for an excuse. "Never mind that! You shouldn't be lying or eating other people's home. Don't you know, Santa Claus doesn't visit naughty children."

Princess Nami grumbled. Santa Claus hadn't visit her in a long time. "Why are you even building a house out of pumpernickel? That's like really weird. Won't your house turn moldy?"

"Ha! It won't turn moldy. My house is magical and it's all part my grand top-secret plan!" Wizard Usopp said, looking very smug. He laughed out loud until he started coughing for laughing too hard. He lightly patted his chest. "Excuse me."

"Right," Princess Nami said slowly. It was time to move on. She went to over to her backpack and put it on. "Well, it's nice meeting you. I got to run."

"Wait! Aren't you going to ask me what my grand top-secret plan is?"

"Nope." She shook her head.

"Okay, I'll tell you, but swear you won't tell anyone!"

Princess Nami sighed. "Will this take long?" she asked. She took a seat on the bench, expecting a long drawn-out story.

"My grand top-secret plan is... Are you ready for it? Candyland!" Wizard Usopp made an echo sound effect. "My house is just the beginning of Candyland. When it's done, all the kids will flock to my Candyland and join my army of 8000."

"Candyland?" she repeated. She stared at him with a blank look. "If your house is suppose to be a part of Candyland, shouldn't it be made out of something sweet? Pumpernickel isn't exactly sweet, you know."

"What do you mean? Kids love pumpernickel."

"Are you stupid? No they don't." Princess Nami bonked him on his head with her fist. "What kind of wizard are you?"

Rubbing his head, Wizard Usopp whined, "I'm the great Good Wizard of the East. What am I suppose to build my house out of, if not pumpernickel?"

Princess Nami sighed again. "Try cake or cookie. Or here's a wild idea. Why not make it out of candy," she said, putting a strong emphasis on the word, candy.

His eyes widened in excitement. "Good idea! I need to write this all down." He ran back inside his home to find a pencil and paper.

And so Princess Nami and Wizard Usopp talked for about an hour over crumpet and tea. He was starting out just like her and knew very little about the ways of the world, being a recent wizard graduate. Surprisingly for a wizard, he wasn't very magical and had to refer to his magic handbook for guidance. But he was still learning and he had high hopes.

When Princess Nami explained her situation and her monetary issues, Wizard Usopp's fist came down in his palm. He had an answer for her. "You should meet the Good Witch of the West. She can help you. She knows everything! And I mean everything. She lives west of here."

Sure why not? It couldn't hurt to drop by and meet her. "How do I get to her place?"

"Follow the gamboge brick road." He pointed to the outside and sure enough there was the gamboge brick road. Strange she didn't notice it before.

Wizard Usopp neglected to inform how long the trip was and it took Princess Nami a while to get to the Good Witch of the West's home. She headed over the river and through the woods. It was nightfall by the time she reached the end of the gamboge brick road. Exhausted, she was astounded at what she saw.

The Good Witch of the West's house was different. Nothing like Wizard Usopp's house or anyone else for that matter. It was strange to describe. If she had to explain to someone, she would have to say the house was in the shape of a shoe. A giant purple platform shoe.

While Princess Nami contemplated whether or not to venture to front door and introduce herself, the wall of the sole of the shoe parted and hand appeared, waving her in. She took this as a good sign that the Good Witch was expecting her.

She followed the hand in and was surprised at what she found inside. The house didn't smell anything like a shoe and wasn't as cramped as she thought it would be. In fact, it looked much bigger on the inside. The home was filled with books of all sizes as well as other unusual paraphernalia.

"Good Evening," a feminine voice greeted. "I am the Good Witch of the West, Robin."

Princess Nami gasped audibly and spun around to the sound of her voice. Witch Robin was seated, drinking a cup of coffee. A slender young woman, she wore a purple miniskirt with a matching tight jacket. Her eyes were hidden under the brim of a white cowboy hat. She smiled demurely at her as she set her cup on the table.

"You've come a long way. You must be tired." She motioned to the chair opposite to her.

Princess Nami nodded slowly and sat down. She was about open her mouth to speak when a hand appeared out of nowhere and brought her a cup of coffee. She paused at the hand that protruded magically from the top of the table. Then she noticed she was staring. "Thank you," she murmured hurriedly as she accepted the cup. She took a cautious sip while keeping a watchful eye on her hostess.

Witch Robin gave her a delicate laugh. "Let's get down to business, shall we. You would like to travel the world, but you lack the sufficient funds to do so."

"How did you know?"

"I know a great many things," Witch Robin replied as she flipped through the pages of a tome. She stopped when she found what she was looking for. "Here it is. I can provide you with the ability to turn any object into gold by simply touching it."

"You can? That sounds great!"

"The fee for that spell is your tongue."

Princess Nami's hands flew to cover her mouth. "My tongue? Does that mean you will cut it off?" she asked, speaking behind her hands.

"Yes, I need tongues. I have a very small supply."

"Is there anything else you can take as payment?" Princess Nami asked hopefully. She was quite attached to her tongue and the mere thought of it gone left her speechless.

Witch Robin stood up and moved to the shelves. There were bottles containing strange objects and various substances. Several hands sprouted to aid her as she searched through her ingredients. "I am running low on eyeballs."

Princess Nami's hands flew to cover her eyes. "My eyes?" Realizing it wasn't such a good idea, she quickly removed her hands.

"I would only take one of your eyes as payment."

Princess Nami squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. Wizard Usopp told her she was the Good Witch of the West, right? What constitute as being good, or was that only a title? "Maybe we can work out a payment plan. Like when I die of really old age you can collect my eyeball," she suggested.

Witch Robin took a few moments to consider her offer, but rejected it with a firm no. Princess Nami's shoulders sagged with disappointment. She had really hoped she would take that offer. Witch Robin was a crafty one.

"Is there another option I can take?"

"You could get a job and work."

Work? Princess Nami stared at her like the sky was falling. First Queen Kureha wanted to marry her off. Now Witch Robin was telling her to find a job. The world was full of crazy people.

Princesses simply do not work. That was the unwritten law of the Universe. Princesses were pampered, oftentimes they needed rescuing and ocassionally they were stuck marrying some bumbling idiot of a hero, whose greatest accomplishment was killing seven houseflies in one blow. But a princess working? Who heard of such a thing?

"Can I get a second opinion?"

Witch Robin smiled a little. "I will tell you your fortune instead." Her extra hands brought out a crystal ball and placed it on the center of the table. Princess Nami didn't think witches did fortune-telling, but what did she know. She crowded next to Witch Robin, who was busy drinking her coffee.

The crystal ball was cloudy and dark. Witch Robin leaned forward to peer at it once and then she leaned back. "It's still warming up," she explained as she sipped her cup.

Princess Nami sat for a long time, eyeing the crystal ball, expecting something dramatic to happen, but nothing did. No shimmering, no shining, nothing. It remained the same. Cloudy and dark. She thought it hadn't warmed up yet but then Witch Robin's extra hands appeared again and put it away.

"Stay with the Good Wizard of the East. You will find your heart's desire through him," she told her enigmatically.

"What! He told me to visit you. Now you're telling me I have to go back." Princess Nami groaned and palm-slapped herself. Through the woods and over the river, another long journey on gamboge brick road.

"Or you can always find a job. The choice is yours," Witch Robin said, sounding very amused.


	6. Chapter 6

Disenchanted

Prince Sanji frowned, wondering how he wound up in a bath tub, floating in the middle of the sea. He had no memory of how he got in the tub, only the hasty packing and the desperate getaway. He lost one of his shoes in the process, which made him sad because it was his favorite pair.

There were three of them, including himself, a fashion designer and a candlestick maker. He told them he was baker, which was not entirely untruthful. He did a little baking when he was in the mood. They didn't question him. They didn't say much of anything. They eyed each other with a hint of apprehension most of the time.

The candlestick maker, an odd fellow with a strange cowslip, stared flatly at him through his thick glasses and coughed. "So where are you two heading?"

The fashion designer was the first to reply. He was small in stature and shaped like a...well...like a starfish. He jumped up, almost falling out of the bathtub and proudly announced, "I'm going to open my own shop and sell my designs. My clothes will be known throughout the whole world and I'll be famous!" He laughed deviously to himself.

The candlestick maker blinked twice at the fashion designer, but didn't comment. The fashion designer drooped a little at the unexpected silence from both the candlestick maker and Prince Sanji. Changing the subject, he turned to Prince Sanji and asked, "You said you were a baker. Are you setting up a bakery somewhere?"

Prince Sanji paused and thought for a moment. It was a good question. He had no idea what he was going to do. For sure, he always dreamt about adventures and rescuing beautiful maidens, but Magistrate Carne and Chancellor Patty deterred him from such ideas, citing how dangerous such things were to his life, which didn't make any sense since he was a prince. What was a prince to do if not to have adventures and rescue beautiful maidens?

The voyage was short and uneventful, ending when the bath tub reached land. After wishing the fashion designer and the candlestick maker a safe journey, Prince Sanji disembarked to places unknown. He kept a slow and steady pace, carrying all his worldly possessions in his enormous backpack.

The first order of business was finding a place to stay. Though the spirit of adventure was strong, living in the wilderness didn't appeal to his princely senses. A good roof over his head and a roaring fire seemed simple enough to find. He followed an aureate brick road until he came upon a dilapidated billboard.

There wasn't much to read. A couple of wanted posters caught his attention, but that was about it. He skimmed through all advertisements, looking for any chance of adventure or maiden rescuing. There were none. Despite his initial disappointment, underneath the layers of flyers, newsletters, sales, recipes and special events, Prince Sanji spotted a promising little ad. He tore it off the billboard and saved it in his pocket.

Prince Sanji continued on the aureate brick road. He saw all kinds of oddities: walking mushrooms, turtles with wings and hopping fishes to name a few. The strangest thing was a partially built house made out of rye. Curious, he explored the small building for a bit, but refrained from touching any part of the house. Whoever lived here took a lot of time and effort to build it and it would be discourteous of him to disturb any of it. Unfortunately, the house was deserted. He moved on.

When he came to a fork in the road, Prince Sanji checked the ad for the address. The signpost wasn't much help, it being broken. He took a gamble and turned right on the road. He followed it until he came to a cottage. It was tiny compared to the castle he lived in. He knocked on the door. No one answered. He waited outside, sitting on a wooden bench and stretching out his legs. It was a tiring walk and a long day.

Prince Sanji wondered how long he would have wait. Setting his backpack down, he decided to explore the surrounding area of the cottage. Out in the back was a small garden, or at least he thought was a garden. It was difficult to tell. It was overgrown with weeds and littered with dried leaves and dead plants. Whatever they were trying to grow, they didn't have much luck.

With time to kill, Prince Sanji rolled up his sleeves got down to work. He organized the gardening tools, raked up the leaves into a pile and pulled up the weeds. After he was done, the garden looked much better.

He returned to the cottage. Still the owners didn't appear. Bored, he peered inside the window and became aghast. The cottage fared no better than the garden and was a complete mess. The dirty dishes were left in the sink, clothes were thrown on the floor and broken pieces of furniture propped against the wall. Did he really want to wait around for the owners? They didn't seem very tidy or clean.

Prince Sanji wasted little time on debating what to do. He went to the front door, found it unlock and he let himself in.

First, he tackled the dirty dishes, scrubbing and polishing them. He stored them neatly in the cupboard. Next the dirty clothes he collected and tossed into the washtub where they soaked in the soap and water. He hung them out to dry on the clothesline that he constructed out in the back. The broken furniture were harder and required more time to repair, but he was successful enough to get them upright again.

After cleaning their home, Prince Sanji discovered there were three of them living together. Three different sizes of clothing, three different rooms with three different beds. Each room was filled with different types of things. Musical instruments in one, books and plants in another and packaged food in the last.

Lastly, and because he was hungry, Prince Sanji cooked supper. He prepared a hearty batch of cream porridge and he ate it by himself in the kitchen. He poured out the remaining porridge in three bowls and left them on the dining table. Hopefully the mysterious owners returned soon before the porridge cooled.

Being a prince, Prince Sanji believed it was important to be prepared for all types of situation a prince may encounter in the world. Cleaning, washing, and cooking were just a few skills he deemed necessary to learn.

Upstairs in the attic, there was an another room. It was sparsely furnished and dusty, but with a nice view of forest. It was there, Prince Sanji brought up his things and fell asleep.

He had a restless sleep, being chased by ugly maidens and escaping in a bathtub. He woke with a jerk, his heart pounding and his hands shaking in dread. It was only a bad dream.

Suddenly Prince Sanji realized where he was and that he wasn't alone. Three pairs of eyes were on him, watching him carefully. They each had a bowl of porridge in their hands, gobbing it up as fast as they could. Were they the owners of the cottage? They were the weirdest group of people he had ever seen. They were of three different heights, wearing three different hats with little bear ears protruding from them.

The tallest one came forward and politely asked, "Did you clean our dishes?"

Prince Sanji nodded, unsure of them.

"Did you wash our clothes?" the shortest of the three asked. He was furry unlike the other two.

The same mute nod from Prince Sanji again.

"Did you cook this porridge?" the last of the three member asked, his mouth drooling with porridge.

"Yes, I did," Prince Sanji spoke after getting rid of his initial surprise.

"Why?" all three asked at the same time. They finished eating the porridge and held the bowls out to him, expecting more porridge from him.

Remembering the piece of paper, Prince Sanji pulled it from his pocket. "The ad said free room and board in exchange for light cleaning and some cooking."

The last thing he expected to see them do was jump with excitement and dance in a circle, holding hands with each other. Then they hollered in jubilee at him and ran up and hugged him. It was safe to say, they were pleased to have him.

So a verbal agreement was reached between him and the three bears. He had the room in the attic, in return he prepared all their meals, which included breakfast, brunch, lunch, high tea, dinner, and supper as well as appetizers, desserts, finger buffet, and midnight snacks.

The laundry duty wasn't as difficult as it sounded, considering the three bears only own two sets of clothing each and wore one set for a week or longer. What did you expect? They were bears. Count yourself lucky since bears don't normally wear clothes at all.

The other household chores they left up in the air. Whoever felt like doing, could do them, which was how it worked before. Prince Sanji wasn't too sure about the last part, but Brook Bear assured him that they usually get the cleaning done once in a while. Prince Sanji stared doubtful at the tall skinny bear. The other two bears had darted back to the kitchen for any remaining porridge. He was certain he would end up taking care of the bulk of the chores.

Overall, it was a really bad arrangement if you asked anybody with any common sense, but Prince Sanji didn't know any better and he accepted it readily.


	7. Chapter 7

Disenchanted

Princess Nami wound up waiting for fifteen minutes. The diminutive fellow kept up his...dance routine without any signs of slowing down. He continued his singing, shouting, "Ow, ow, ow," over and over, you would think he was in pain or something instead of simply dancing. She looked him over head-to-toe again, wondering if she made a mistake when she purchased soda bottle from the yard sale.

Reaching no higher than her knees, he had light blue hair that puffed up like a rooster's comb. He must have spent a bit on hair gel and hair spray to get it stand up like that. A tiny pair of sunglasses perched on his head and stars were tattooed on his forearms. As for the rest of his clothing, there wasn't much to it. Seriously, he wasn't wearing much at all. It consisted of a flowery shirt and a speedo.

Princess Nami cleared her throat. "So about those three wishes..." she implied. That seemed to have knocked him out of his rhythm.

He stopped and pulled down his shades, making a direct eye contact with her. His joyous demeanor gone in an instance, he studied her before replying. "I appreciate you getting me out of my bottle, but I don't do wishes, girlie."

"What do you mean?" she asked, sounding mildly upset. It was no small miracle getting that bottle open without breaking it. She didn't have a bottle cap opener and she didn't feel like going back to that yard sale to search for one. "You're a genie, aren't you? Genies grant wishes."

"Genie," he sniffed, offended. He folded his arms across his chest. "Is that what you think I am?"

"Then what are you?" Princess Nami challenged. Honestly, she should have bought the magic carpet when she had the chance. A self-cleaning rug was worth its weight in gold.

The little guy grinned and threw his fists high in the air. "I'm FFRRANNKKYY-STILTSKIN!"

"Huh?" Her mouthed dropped open a little. "What's a Frankystiltskin?"

"I'm Frankystiltskin!" He jerked his thumb at himself.

Princess Nami could have pounded the midget where he stood, but something held her back. That name sounded familiar for some reason. Frankystiltskin, Stiltskin. She went over the name in her head. She was certain she heard it somewhere before. "I got it!" she cried victoriously. "You can spin straw into gold." Not as good as getting three wishes, but it was still something.

Frankystiltskin burst into laughter, as if it was the most idiotic thing he ever heard. "You got me confused with that other guy, girlie. Why would anyone want to spin straw into gold?"

This time nothing held Princess Nami back as she pounded him, his face smashed into the ground. Now she really regretted not buying that magic carpet.

Massaging a growing lump on his head, Frankystiltskin scoffed at her. "I can do something super. Better than what that dweeb does."

"Like what?"

"I can turn water into cola," he announced proudly. He placed his hands on his waist and sniggered.

Princess Nami blinked several times and sighed. Today wasn't her day.

After a long and arduous journey through the woods and over the river, she made it back to Wizard Usopp's house. Wizard Usopp, who was very surprised to see her again, was horrified when she barged into his home uninvited. She explained Witch Robin's fortune to him and then demanded a room with a bed. He complied without putting up a fuss, though he did grumbled unhappily about it.

Witch Robin told her to stay with Wizard Usopp to find her heart's desire, then she was going to stay as close as possible. That meant living with him. Unfortunately, his house smelled like pumpernickel on the inside as well as on the outside. Wizard Usopp claimed there was no such odor. Princess Nami insisted there was and he needed to fix it. Another item added to his to-do list.

The morning was cheerful, simply because Princess Nami had a plan of action, not some vague idea or intuition. Wizard Usopp promised he would work on her case after he got a few things done on his house and his grand top-secret plan, Candyland. Quickly he drafted up a help-wanted notice and asked her to post on the billboard for him since she wasn't doing anything.

Begrudgingly Princess Nami accepted the task. She perused the flyer in question and discovered Wizard Usopp was looking for a baker. That seemed like a good idea. He should be able to get better recommendations from a baker than from her.

Putting on a vermilion riding hood, she went with the peasant girl look that day. Because traipsing along the road in a tiara and floor-length silk gown, was a really bad idea. She learned her lesson the hard way and she wasn't going to do that again. Silk was so hard to clean.

Eager to get outside and away from the pumpernickel, Princess Nami picked up an empty basket and headed towards the gamboge brick road. She located the billboard in no time and tacked on the flyer. The billboard was covered in tattered paper of outdated notices and advertisements. She took her time and pored over the newer-looking flyers. A generous reward for the safe return of a missing person caught her attention. She read the details and frowned. It had badly sketched drawing and a loopy description of a man in black with only one shoe.

Who ran around with only one shoe on? Sensing something bogus about that flyer, she skipped it and found something truly exciting: a yard sale.

The same yard sale, where she bought the soda bottle that held magical being, Frankystiltskin. Why did she go? She couldn't remember the exact wording that convinced her to go. Maybe the words, _treasure_ and _bargain galore,_ had something to do with it.

"Water into cola?" Princess Nami repeated in disbelief.

"Want to see? I can show you," Frankystiltskin volunteered.

She sighed again. "Go ahead." She passed him a canteen of water, which he had to hold with both hands.

He swirled the canteen and bellowed, "SUUPAA!" Then he passed the canteen back to her.

Princess Nami retrieved it, popped the top off and eyed it. Well, it wasn't water anymore that was for sure. The dark brown liquid was bubbling suspiciously. She sniffed it and found the scent sweet and not unpleasant. She stole a look at Frankystiltskin, who was still waiting for her to taste it.

Closing her eyes, she tip the canteen and sipped the cola. It was cool, refreshing and surprisingly tasty. "Not bad," she commented.

"I can make other flavors like cherry, lemon, and vanilla."

After sampling the other flavors, Princess Nami was feeling satisfied. Sure, cola wasn't as exciting as gold, but you get what you get. Perhaps she could do something with cola. Marketing was a possibility. Frankystiltskin returned to his soda bottle with a poof, leaving Princess Nami by herself. If she wanted more cola in the future, all she had to do was give him a holler, but he warned her to never shake the bottle. He was very adamant about that.

Princess Nami collected his bottle and laid it carefully in her picnic basket when her fingertips brushed against something small and hard. She peered inside and remembered the other things she bought at the yard sale. Not exactly bought, but given away for free if she bought the soda bottle. Five colorful jellybeans. They looked like ordinary candy to her, but the salesman swore they were magical.

Picking one up, Princess Nami inspected it in the sunlight. It didn't sparkle or do anything magical. She wasn't sure what she was suppose to do with them. She didn't think it was a wise idea to eat them. That was dangerous, eating candy from strangers. However, the salesman did give her a handbook about them. Unfortunately, the instructions seemed so stupid she didn't think she could perform them. She decided it was better to hand them over to Wizard Usopp and let him deal with them. Who knew, maybe it was something good to add to his Candyland.

Princess Nami would have been on her way back to Wizard Usopp's pumpernickel house had she not read the entire handbook. The last part of the handbook nagged at her. She opened the little booklet and flipped to that page again. The part about the mystical creature that laid golden eggs. It was a chicken, goose or turkey. The salesman couldn't recall.

She thought it over some more, her eyes shining with excitement. A chicken, goose or turkey that laid golden eggs...

There were five jellybeans, she reasoned. She could give two of the jellybeans to Wizard Usopp and try the instructions on the other three. What she needed was a good spot to plant them. Preferably somewhere quiet and secluded with no one around.

The spot she chose seemed deserted and isolated. Princess Nami wandered off the brick road for a bit and crossed a thorny thicket to find a clearing. A patch of loose soil made the location perfect. Setting her basket down, she buried the jellybeans and covered it with fresh dirt.

Now for the next part. Cautiously the young princess checked her surrounding for any living soul. No one had better be watching her. She swore she would beat whoever into a bloody pulp if she caught anyone spying. Then she checked the handbook one more time. She had to perform an incantation on the jellybeans, a series repetitive movements.

Taking a deep breath, she started. She was a few minutes into the incantation when she realized, to her utmost horror, that she was doing it wrong. Instead of patting her head and rubbing her stomach, she was rubbing her head and patting her stomach. She panicked and tried to correct herself to only end up patting both her head and her stomach. She stopped immediately before she made things worse. This was harder than she thought.

Very slowly Princess Nami tried again. First she started to rub her stomach. When she knew she had that right, she moved her other hand to her head and started patting it. Finally triumphant, she continued the movements and then muttered some gibberish to finish off the incantation. She stepped back to view the results.

Nothing happened. She scrunched her face, sat down and waited. She watched the grass grow for a while.

But nothing happened. The dirt didn't stir in the tiniest bit. Princess Nami could almost cry. She either messed up the incantation or those jellybeans weren't really magical. If it was the latter, she was going to demand for her money back, but then she remembered that she got them for free.

Blah. She had enough for today. She stomped off mad back into the thicket.


	8. Chapter 8

Disenchanted

It was bright and sunny morning when Prince Sanji woke up. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing and the bears were hungry. Very hungry. The night before he left them snacks, which apparently wasn't enough. They were already awake, screeching and hollering for breakfast. Slowly he got up, dressed and headed towards the kitchen.

To his dismay, the three bears repeatedly went after him, chewing on his foot or gnawing on his elbow. It was alarming at first, then it got annoying. It was hard to cook with a bear hanging onto his foot. It was trip hazard waiting to happen. Prince Sanji simply solved the problem by kicking the bear off, but their behavior continued throughout most of the morning. Feeding them seemed to alleviate the problem.

After putting away his suits and cleaning his room, Prince Sanji went back to the kitchen and stared at the cupboard. It wasn't much to look at. Dusty and empty. It was no wonder the three bears were so thin. What was he going to do for brunch? The meager supply he brought along wasn't going to last. He needed to go grocery shopping later in the day.

Prince Sanji found some leftover milk, which had coagulated in the icebox and poured out part of the liquid into a pan and heated it. When it was nice and warm, he ladled it into four bowls. It wasn't much, he knew, but what could he do? The bears would want their brunch soon. Set nicely on the table, he grabbed his own bowl and escaped into the backyard. Prince Sanji needed a smoke after this.

Finding a nice tuft of grass to sit on, he took out cigarette, lit it and took a long drag. He leaned back, enjoying the sights and smell of the outdoor, not at all concerned about what those blasted hungry bears thought about brunch, when he felt something brush against his hand. Thinking nothing more than a leaf had fallen and landed on his hand, he didn't expect to see what he saw.

At first, Prince Sanji couldn't quite make out the shape and he moved in closer for a better look. It was small, dark, and hairy, something he had not seen before. As he continued to stare at it, he could see the tiny long legs. It had many legs in fact, and many eyes. Then it became apparent to him what it was that was touching his hand. He staggered back and screamed.

Now it would be exaggerating to say he was scared to death. More like he was scared out of his mind.

Brook Bear managed to shake him back to reality, slapping his face in the process. "Yoohoohoo! We thought we heard a young maiden cry so we ran outside."

Dazed and confused, Prince Sanji gaped blankly at the hollow sockets of the skeleton bear who had a milk moustache. He tried to relax, but he was panting with anxiety. It was really unprincely.

"What happened?" Chopper Bear asked. He was checking his pulse and then his tongue which he did by pulling it out of his mouth. "Are you hurt?"

Prince Sanji smacked the little bear away, spitting in disgust. Suddenly he remembered the horrible vision he saw and looked down at the tuft of grass he was sitting on. The beast from hell was gone. Not only that, his bowl of curd and whey was gone too. The little vermin stole it! Then he realized Luffy Bear was eating it.

"I thought I saw something," Prince Sanji answered, a little jumpy. There was nothing to worry about. He only imagined it.

"You mean like that spider that's hanging on your arm?" Luffy Bear finished the bowl and was licking it clean.

Shocked by his words, Prince Sanji jerked his neck and checked his sleeves. He froze, suddenly losing his ability to breathe. A hairy spider about the size of an apple clung onto his jacket, seeming to inch its way higher and higher up his sleeve. He screamed again. The spider scurried off and landed on the ground while Prince Sanji flew into Brook Bear's arms.

Luffy Bear and Chopper Bear giggled.

"It's only a little spider. Nothing to be afraid of," Luffy Bear chortled. He squatted down and carefully picked up the horrid thing. Prince Sanji couldn't believe he was actually touching it.

"Don't touch it! It could be poisonous," he warned.

"Ah, it's a cute itsy-bitsy spider." Luffy Bear grinned and bought it up to his face, making baby noises at it. Then he kissed it. "See, it's not dangerous."

Slowly, Prince Sanji recovered from the shock of the spider and let go of Brook Bear. As long as the spider wasn't crawling on him, he supposed it was safe. He straightened his jacket and picked up his fallen cigarette.

Suddenly, without any warning, Luffy Bear opened his mouth and stuffed the spider in his mouth.

Prince Sanji stopped and stared, too stunned to say anything intelligent. He dropped his cigarette again. The movement was so fast he wasn't sure he saw what he saw. Did Luffy Bear eat the spider? He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbed them and looked again. Luffy Bear was munching and chomping with great vigor. One of the long leg of the spider protruded out of his mouth as he chewed. He pushed it in, swallowed, and then let out a satisfying burp. Prince Sanji felt like fainting at that point, but he held on strong. Fainting was also unprincely.

Let us take a moment to clarify that Prince Sanji was living with three bears. BEARS. The exact species was difficult to ascertain, but they were definitely bears of the family Ursidae. Though it was possible that Chopper Bear was from the family Ailuridae. But no one was going to quibble over that detail.

For the uninitiate, bears are omnivores. That meant they ate both plant and animal. Given this information, it should be no surprise that they ate anything and everything they got their paws on. Spiders weren't an issue to them and you certainly don't want to know what happened to their last tenant.

After the spider, it seemed like a good time to go grocery shopping, so it was a relief to Prince Sanji when three bears agreed with him. They hurriedly voiced their demands and he jotted them down as fast as he could. It was a extremely long list. Mostly meat.

Glad to be away from the cottage, Prince Sanji followed the aureate brick road and headed into the marketplace. There, he bought everything on the list and then some. The grocery was more than he could carry in his backpack so he ended up renting a wagon cart. As he tugged the wagon cart on the road, Prince Sanji passed by the billboard and hesitated.

Knowing that he had looked at it the previous day, he couldn't help but look at it again, hoping for something new. What he found made him grimace and bite down hard on his cigarette. There was a poster of him? And it was a horrible drawing. In the entire kingdom of Baratie, they couldn't find one good picture of him? Quickly he tore it off and used his lighter to burn the insulting thing into ashes before stomping it into the ground.

Prince Sanji was about to storm off in a foul mood when he noticed something, a flyer for a baker. That looked promising. He read the description and thought it something he could do. He pulled it off the billboard and folded it carefully into his pocket. Tomorrow he would make inquires about the position.

He had finished smoking his cigarette and flicked the butt away. It was a long walk but he got the grocery back to the cottage. The three bears were excited, but not for the food in the cart. Prince Sanji scratched his head, very puzzled. He was pretty sure _that _wasn't there when he left to go shopping.

It was huge and green and it was growing from their backyard.

"Look! Look! Look!" Chopper Bear shouted, pointing at the green growth. He ran around the base of the trunk several times and stopped to look up. It stood straight and tall like a ladder, reaching high into the sky.

"Isn't it amazing? I wonder high it goes." Luffy Bear held onto his hat as he tilted head back.

"What the shit is that?"

"Yoohoohoo. I do believe it's a jellybeanstalk."

"Jellybean? Awesome!" Luffy Bear's eyes grew large in excitement. "Let's go find some jellybeans."

"Wait, you're going to climb it?"

The three bears nodded in agreement. "It's an adventure!"

They asked him if he wanted to join them, but he politely declined. He had to put away the grocery and prepare lunch. Climbing strange vegetation wasn't his top priority. Also he wasn't interested in jellybeans.

So Prince Sanji left them to their adventure and he went into the kitchen. He did watch them through the window as they made their climb. It was nice and peaceful with the bears outside and not chewing on his foot.

Once in a while one of the bears fell off the jellybeanstalk. The first time Prince Sanji saw it happened, he panicked and almost ran outside to check on him, but Chopper Bear simply laughed, got up and climbed back up. Luffy Bear fell the most for a total of five times. On his fourth fall, he approached Prince Sanji and asked if lunch was ready, and if it was, if he could have it in a lunchbox. Prince Sanji nodded and told him he could have it ready in lunchboxes the next time he dropped by.

And drop by Luffy Bear did. He bounced from the ground like a rubber ball and made a straight beeline to the kitchen. Wasting no time, he grabbed the lunchboxes, blurted a 'thank you' and shot back up the beanstalk. It was the last time Prince Sanji saw any of them for a while.

The sun was nearly setting when he heard from them. He was tidying up in the kitchen, trying to decide what to cook for dinner. Chopper Bear and Luffy Bear charged into the cottage, crying. They were very upset about something. There was no sign of Brook Bear.

"Help! She has Brook Bear!" Chopper Bear grabbed his hand and pulled him outside. He was in tears. "Save him please!"

"Huh? What's going on? What happened?"

"She took him! She's going to bake, fry, grill, and boil him alive! She's going to eat him!"

"You don't make any sense!" Prince Sanji barked. He untied his apron and threw it on the wooden chair. It looked like dinner will have to wait.

"A big lady bear-napped Brook Bear!" Luffy Bear continued.

"There was a lady on the beanstalk?" Prince Sanji sounded hopeful. "Was she a pretty lady?" It had been a long time since he had seen any female, except for the really old ones that lived in the Baratie Kingdom. Maybe she was young and pretty. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe she needed rescuing.

Chopper Bear groaned and shook his head. "Not a big lady, a female giant. She lives in a fortress." He and Luffy Bear pushed Prince Sanji out the doorway and led him to the beanstalk.

"Hurry! We need to rescue Brook Bear!"

"A giantess in a fortress?" That wasn't very promising, but still, she could be in trouble. She could be trapped in an impenetrable fortress, waiting for her prince charming to save her. "Are you sure she wasn't a lovely damsel in distress?"

"NO!"

It was an impossibly long climb and in the dark too. A couple of times, Prince Sanji had to catch the bears from falling. It was apparent that bears weren't very good at climbing beanstalks.

Higher and higher they climbed until the air had become thin and cold. At the top, they came upon a long broad road. Why in the world was there a road in the sky? No one bothered to ask this. It was just there.

They walked along the road until they came upon the fortress. It was enormous and forbidding, but brightly lit with torches and lanterns. The stone walls were high with several cannons mounted in the turrets for attack. Not a cozy castle.

Chopper Bear showed him a crack in wall and they slipped inside. It was surprisingly neat and clean for a fortress, as well as well-furnished. Prince Sanji could instantly see the motif in the decoration: lots of medieval weapons. Mostly maces, clubs, flails, and morning stars, the number and sizes of spiky weapons were incredible. It was quite a collection.

They didn't see or hear anything of the giantess or anything else for that matter as the three of them ventured further in. They passed what he guessed was the kitchen and saw no sign of any cooking. Hopefully Brook Bear wasn't eaten already.

"Where did you last see him?" Prince Sanji whispered.

Rubbing his chin and thinking thoughtfully, Luffy Bear shrugged. "I forgot."

"Over here!" Chopper Bear pointed to the next room. They ran to where Chopper Bear was and looked.

Far on the table, Prince Sanji could make out a gilded cage with a familiar looking bear inside. He seemed okay for a skeleton bear. Next to the table, snoring on a sofa chair was one really big woman. Sadly, she wasn't pretty and she didn't look like she needed rescuing.

Luffy Bear yelled, "Oi, Brook Bear! We're here to rescue you!" He hopped up and down, waving his hat at him.

"Yoohoohoo!" Brook Bear waved back. "Thank you everyone!"

"Be quiet!" Prince Sanji hissed. He bonked the bear on the head.

"How are we going to free Brook Bear?" Chopper Bear asked. He perched on Luffy Bear's shoulders. "The table is so high."

Prince Sanji sighed. He really wanted to rescue a beautiful maiden. How disappointing. But there was no point moaning about it. He was here. Might as well rescue somebody.

He glanced around the room, looking for any ideas. "The curtains, we can climb that." They hurried across the room to the curtains. It took them a long time to get up. If bears were bad at climbing beanstalks, they really sucked at climbing curtains.

"Brook Bear!" Luffy Bear and Chopper Bear zipped passed the dishes to the cage. Prince Sanji followed slowly while keeping an eye on the sleeping giantess.

"I'm so happy to see you," Brook Bear said tearfully. "I thought I was going to die."

"Let's get you out." Luffy Bear tugged at the door, but it wouldn't budget.

"The lock," Brook Bear explained. He indicated to the large bronze padlock hanging from the door. "The giantess locked the cage."

Chopper Bear stuck his paw in and played around with it in an attempt to unlock, but it didn't work. "What are we going to do?"

Prince Sanji frowned at the lock. "Is there a key?"

"Hmmm," Brook Bear pondered for a moment before answering. "Maybe it's the one the giantess is wearing around her neck."

"You have to be joking." Prince Sanji shot a worried look at the giantess, who was still snoring away like a saw. Up on the table, she appeared a lot bigger. Her cowboy hat covered her face as she slept and she held a large wicked-looking mace across her lap.

Brook Bear shook his head. "Please! Get the key and save me!"

"Uh, yeah..." Prince Sanji hesitated. He was having second thoughts. Truthfully, did he really want to tangle with a giantess? From the old stories, giants were known to have a particular fondness for princes. As in the eating type of fondness. And he only met the three bears yesterday. It's not like he owe them anything, and he did help them get this far. They should be able to solve the problem on their own.

But as Prince Sanji was thinking of an excuse to leave, all three bears made the saddest face possible and then grabbed his arms and legs, hollering in desperation. They were on the verge of crying.

"All right, all right," he relented. His shoulders slumped. "Don't cry. Let's find the key."

"YIPPEE!"

"Be quiet!" Another bonk to their heads.

After a quick evaluation of the situation, Prince Sanji decided they could probably pinch the key off the giantess while she slept. From the table, they hopped down and landed on the arm of the chair. Quietly, Prince Sanji searched for the key. If the giantess did have the key around her neck, he couldn't see it. It might have been hidden among her clothing which meant they had to get closer. They climbed their way up giantess's shoulder.

"Do you see it anywhere?" Prince Sanji spoke to the bears. It was difficult a search. The giantess was very fat and wore a lot of clothes.

Chopper Bear shook his head.

"I bet it's down her shirt," Luffy Bear giggled with a grin.

Down her shirt? Alarmed, he stared at the bosom of the giantess. How were they going to check down there?

Half an hour later...

"Do you see it now?" Prince Sanji said in a strained voice. He was squatting, clinging to the giantess's collar with one hand and gripping Luffy Bear's ankle with the other.

"No. Go lower," Chopper Bear replied.

Prince Sanji groaned and stretched his arm further. It was a ridiculous situation. He held an upside-down Luffy Bear with Luffy Bear holding Chopper Bear, who was also hanging upside down. Chopper Bear was currently somewhere underneath giantess's shirt, looking for the key.

"I see it!" Chopper Bear exclaimed.

"Can you reach it?" Luffy Bear asked.

"Almost. Just a little lower please."

"Be careful everyone!" Brook Bear called out.

"Be quiet!" Prince Sanji snapped a little too loudly.

Suddenly the snoring stopped and the giantess shifted her shoulders as her head rolled to the side.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" Prince Sanji's grip on the collar tightened as he struggled to not lose his balance.

The giantess sniffed the air and then mumbled sleepily, "Yummy prince..."

A chill went through Prince Sanji and he almost choked. "Hurry up!" The giantess was waking up and by the sound of it, she was hungry too.

"I got it! Pull us up!"

Prince Sanji started pulling them up when the giantess sat up. He fell forward and he was now hanging for dear life. It was too late. The giantess was fully awake.

A sweet melody floated softly in the air. It was calming, peaceful and totally unexpected.

"Go to sleep, sweet giantess. Don't eat us please," Brook Bear sang. He smoothly strummed his violin, lulling the giantess with his music.

Miraculously the giantess swayed and fell back on the sofa chair. The snoring soon followed.

"Yoohoohoo. Wasn't that close?" Brook Bear reached down and help everyone up. They climbed back to the table.

"What the hell! How did you get out of the cage?" Prince Sanji raged. He pounded him with his fist and a sizable bump grew from his forehead.

"I was so frightened for everyone I must have squeezed through the bars without realizing it," Brook Bear recalled, laughing uncontrollably. "Yoohoohoo." Luffy Bear and Chopper Bear didn't care and they gave him a bear hug. They were happy to have him back.

Prince Sanji realized Chopper Bear was still holding the large key. "You can get rid of that. We don't need it anymore."

"Actually, maybe we can use it," Brook Bear said enigmatically. He strolled back to the cage, waving at them to follow.

Something was inside the cage. Something Prince Sanji didn't notice before. It was a bundle of bright yellow feathers, shivering in the corner. Suddenly it occurred to him that the cage wasn't originally for Brook Bear and that it held another prisoner before him. Together with Luffy Bear's help, he hefted the key into the padlock and opened the door.

Brook Bear slowly approached it. "It's all right now. You're free."

Cautiously it lifted its head and it blinked at them with its big round eyes. Prince Sanji paused and stared. It looked like a...duck. A really big duck wearing a knitted blue cap.

"Ah, it's a cute teeny-weeny duck," Luffy Bear cooed, patting its back. Then he tried to take a bite out of its wing. The duck screamed and ran in circles around them.

"Don't eat the duck!" Prince Sanji bashed Luffy Bear off. He heaved a heavy breath and groaned. "Now is not the time to eat. Let's get out of here first."

No one objected and so they got off the table and headed out of the fortress. Surprisingly the duck followed them, despite the many attempts made by the bears to eat it. Prince Sanji had to smack them around a few times before they finally stopped.

The climb down the beanstalk was a little more trickier than the climb up. Luffy Bear slipped and lost his footing. He grabbed Brook Bear's leg on his way down and they both went screaming down.

Bears were really bad at climbing beanstalks.

Chopper Bear managed to stay with Prince Sanji as he slowly made his way down. The duck, being a bird, had it easy. It only had to flap his wings to slow its descent as it hopped from one leaf to the next.

At the bottom, Luffy Bear and Brook Bear were laughing and shouting like nothing happened. "What's for dinner?"

"No dinner," Prince Sanji said firmly. "First get rid of that beanstalk. No more climbing beanstalks. You bears got an axe or something?" The last thing he wanted was the bears going up there again, or that giantess coming down.

The three bears were sad, but dinner was more important.

It turned out they didn't own an axe or a chainsaw, but they had something just as good: weed killer. They dumped a barrel worth of it on the beanstalk and it shriveled into nothing more than a tiny stump.

They never did find any jellybeans.


	9. Chapter 9

Disenchanted

The cola industry was a multi-billion beri enterprise, spanning several kingdoms. If she could somehow tap into this market Princess Nami could be rich. Rich beyond her wildest dreams. But the more she researched into it, the harder it got. First of all, Frankystiltskin could only change water to cola. It didn't include the container that was needed to hold the cola in order to sell them. Containers didn't grow on trees and Wizard Usopp couldn't conjure them out of thin air. They had to be manufactured.

From what Princess Nami uncovered, they came in three different types: glass, plastic or aluminum. She found several factories that could produce them at a rate of 800 per minute. That sounded very exciting to her. Think of number of cola she could sell. Of course she went with the cheapest one. Unfortunately there was the matter of providing the nutrition facts. She balked at this. She wasn't sure what to put down. How many calories in one serving size? How was she suppose to figure that out? What were the ingredients? Water and magic?

Stupid regulations. Princess Nami gave up on the whole idea. Too much work with no guarantee on a good return.

Sulking, she went looking for Wizard Usopp. He was busy doing something she couldn't understand. It involved powders and it looked dangerous. "What are you doing?" she interrupted.

Wizard Usopp jerked, nearly dropping his pellet. He glared at her. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry." She took a seat and watched him quietly.

Obviously, he didn't like having an audience. "Don't you have something to do?"

"Nope," she said, glancing over his work. "What does this do?" She picked up a colorful marble and eyed it under the light.

Wizard Usopp snatched it away from her. "Go outside and sing to the wildlife or something."

"Why would I do that?" She put her hands on her hips.

"Never mind," he grumbled.

After knocking over a vial of purple liquid, setting on fire a broomstick, and breaking an hourglass, Princess Nami was sent on a little errand. Wizard Usopp handed her a leather satchel and told her to travel over to Witch Robin's home. When she peeked inside the delivery bag, she didn't see anything. "What am I suppose to give to Witch Robin? There's nothing in here."

"Of course there's something in there. It's a special cape. It's only invisible to stupid and incompetent people," Wizard Usopp said, smirking smartly at her. "I can see it just fine."

Her eyes narrowed and she cried, "You're lying! There's no such thing."

"Go ahead and touch it. You can feel it."

Princess Nami reached inside the satchel and true to his word, her fingers did brush against some type of fabric. The texture was stiff and smooth. She grabbed hold of it and pulled it out. Though she couldn't see anything, there was a definite weight that she couldn't explain away. Dumbfounded, she didn't say anything.

"I told you," he sneered. "Stupid and incompetent."

After that Princess Nami didn't talk back. For a good wizard, he knew how to rub it in. She stuffed the invisible fabric back into the satchel and stormed out the door. She walked along the gamboge brick road for a time until she came upon the giant shoe. Like before, Witch Robin was expecting her and her magical hand beckoned her in. She was seated by the fireplace, reading an old tome.

"I have something for you." Princess Nami handed her the satchel.

Witch Robin retrieved it and peered inside. "Ah, he returned it. He had it for a long time, I thought he had forgotten about it."

"Is it really a special cape? Wizard Usopp said stupid and incompetent people can't see it." Princess Nami couldn't see the point of such an item or why Witch Robin would want it back.

"Actually it is an incomplete invisible cape. The creator of this cape had trouble perfecting it." Witch Robin demonstrated. She brought it out from the satchel and flung it over her shoulders. Everything below her neck vanished. "Can you see through me?"

Princess Nami held her breath and nodded in awe, not realizing there was more to the cape than what she initially thought.

Witch Robin chuckled mildly. "Wizard Usopp is incorrect in his statement. Magical people like him and me will always be able to see it. He borrowed it from me, thinking it would make a good raincoat."

"A raincoat? He used it like a raincoat? Then he never knew it was an invisible cape?"

"Probably not. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn't understand me."

Feeling better about herself, Princess Nami had to laugh. Who was the stupid and incompetent one now, she thought.

After a little chat with some yummy finger sandwiches (no real fingers involved) and coffee, Princess Nami departed. Witch Robin didn't reveal anything more to her about her fortune and instead gave her a basket of flowers to give to Wizard Usopp. Princess Nami asked if they were magical in any way. Witch Robin simply explained that she like to garden in her free time and she thought Wizard Usopp might want them for his new home.

Before she left the shoe house, Princess Nami was tempted to ask if she could borrow the invisible cape for herself, but thought against it. Witch Robin might still ask for her eyeball or tongue as payment.

Holding the basket of flowers by her arm, she headed back. The weather was so nice and warm, it made her forget her trouble. She decided to take a leisurely stroll and enjoy nature. The birds were chirping, the butterflies were fluttering, the deers were prancing, and the squirrels were chasing each other. Suddenly Princess Nami started skipping and giggling as she ventured further down the road. Even stranger, she had a resistible urge to sing. Thank god she didn't, because the last thing this story needed was a musical.

Luckily Princess Nami came to her senses and she stopped. She was freaked out and a little confused. She searched her surrounding. The animals that were swarming around her moments ago were gone and she was alone. What came over her? Was there something in the air? Maybe it was the basket of flowers she was carrying.

Then she heard an angry voice scream at her. "YOU!"

The first thing Princess Nami saw when she turned her head was a green blur moving at an incredible speed towards her. It got closer and closer until she could make the shape and then she discovered it was a man. A tall man carrying three swords.

It was Huntsman Zoro. She wondered what happened to him after her departure. She should ask him how Queen Kureha was doing. Better yet, she should write her a letter instead. But by the look of things, he didn't look like he was in a chatty mood. "Huntsman Zoro, what a surprise to see you again." She smiled, trying to be friendly.

He, on the other hand, only growled at her. "I've been looking for you. I was hired to kill you, remember."

"Oh, really? Silly me. I totally forgot about that. Sorry to keep you waiting."

"It doesn't matter," he grumbled. He unsheathed his swords, putting one in his mouth and the other two in each of his hands. It seemed to be an overkill, but the man probably didn't want to take any chances.

"Wait!" Princess Nami broke in. She needed a plan fast. "May I have one tiny little favor before you slaughter me?"

Huntsman Zoro halted and his shoulders sagged in exasperation. "What is it this time? I have a schedule to keep," he complained with a sword in his mouth.

Princess Nami slapped her hands together and held them up in front of her. "I would very much like to see my grandmother one more time. I was on my way to see him- er I mean her. I have these lovely flowers to deliver. You see, she hasn't been feeling very well."

Seriously, who in the world was going to believe that story, but he lowered his swords as he slowly considered her request. Not wanting to miss the opportunity, she looked up at Huntsman Zoro and gave him her most pathetic, teary-eyed face. She was surprised to discover he was a softie.

"This better not take long," he snapped.

She jumped and clapped her hands. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

What should have been a short easy journey back, became long and frustrating. Huntsman Zoro couldn't even follow gamboge brick road without getting lost. Somehow he would turn around and walk in the opposite direction. Other times, he would leave the road and go tramping through the thicket. Princess Nami ended up chasing after him and dragging him back seven times. You would think a reasonable person would leave him alone and let him get lost, but she was the type of princess who loved to correct people.

By the time they reached Wizard Usopp's home, it was almost twilight. There was a distinctive odor wafting in the air. Something sweet and delicious was baking. Wearing an apron and a pair mittens, Wizard Usopp was bent over and pulling a large tray from the oven. He set it carefully on the table when Princess Nami assaulted him.

"Grandmother!" she yelled as she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a huge hug.

Wizard Usopp screamed, his hands flew straight in the air. "I swear officer, it was like that when I got here!"

"It's me. Be quiet and play along," Princess Nami hissed into his ear still clinging around his neck.

Shaking off his fright, Wizard Usopp glared at her. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"Grandmother, we have a guest." She indicated to Huntsman Zoro. Wizard Usopp's eyes widened at the sight of the tall, burly man with the three swords. In fact, he seemed to have gone a little paler.

"You're her grandmother?" Huntsman Zoro asked dubiously. He squinted and scrutinized Wizard Usopp's appearance. He didn't look very grandmotherly. He wore his usual wizard attire, consisting of a shiny yellow robe, pointy hat and flashy topaz loafers.

Wizard Usopp gave Princess Nami a sideways glance, still perplexed. "He's trying to kill me," she whispered to him. He seemed to finally get the gist of the situation and nodded.

He cleared his voice and addressed the huntsman. "Why, yes. I am her dear grandmother. What has my naughty granddaughter done this time?" he spoke in an old lady voice.

Huntsman Zoro ignored his question. "You have really big ears for a grandmother."

Wizard Usopp replied sharply, "The better to hear her complaints and bossy orders with."

"Ah," he agreed, nodding his head. "You have really big eyes for a grandmother."

"The better to see the trouble she gets herself in."

Again he accepted his answer with a nod. "You have a really big nose for a grandmother."

Wizard Usopp paused, offended at his last remark. He raised his voice a tiny bit, but still kept his old lady voice. "The better to smell the mess my granddaughter leaves behind."

Princess Nami was fuming the whole time they spoke, but she kept quiet. How long was this going to last? Couldn't Huntsman Zoro tell Wizard Usopp wasn't even a woman? He must be near-sighted. It would explain why he got lost so often. She smacked her forehead with her palm when Huntsman Zoro continued his boring conversation.

"If you don't mind me saying, you have really big hands for a grandmother."

It seemed Wizard Usopp also had enough. "The better to do this to you!" he announced. He raised his hands high in the air and growled at Huntsman Zoro.

Princess Nami blinked in surprise and wondered what he was trying to do. Then Huntsman Zoro dropped unconscious. His three sword clattered on the floor.

"Oh! It worked!" Wizard Usopp was ecstatic. He pumped his fist in the air. "It finally worked!"

"What worked?" she asked, peering down at the sleeping huntsman. He was already snoring very loudly.

"My knock-out spell. For some strange reason, it didn't work on you before," he murmured softly to himself. "I wonder why. Maybe it only works on the weak-minded.

She glowered at him, but decided to let it pass. "So what are we going to do with him?"

Wizard Usopp shrugged his shoulders. "Beats me."


	10. Chapter 10

Disenchanted

The room was dim and still. Only the low breathing murmurs punctuated the otherwise quiet morning. Prince Sanji cracked open one of his eyes and peered across the room to the noise. He discovered a distinct feathery mass, huddling in the corner. He exhaled softly and shut his eyes. The shitty duck again. It was the third time he woke to find it in his room. Just before he went to bed, he made sure to lock the door and barricade it with a chair. Apparently it wasn't enough to deter his unwelcome guest, because somehow, during the night, it managed to skulk in unnoticed.

Prince Sanji rolled his head to the side and watched it again. Asleep with its head turned and tucked on its back, its bill hidden underneath the feathers, he wondered how the duck could sleep in such an odd position. It looked uncomfortable. Angrily he realized it was resting on a pile of dirty laundry, most of his, a few from the bears. A sort of makeshift nest, he guessed. Luckily for the overgrown duck, he was too groggy to care that his clothes were being used as a bedding.

Being a waterfowl, he thought it would be happier living by a pond or a lake, but instead it decided to stay with him and the three bears. Not exactly the safest choice considering Luffy Bear still tried to eat it yesterday. That bear had a bottomless pit for a stomach. A good solid kick to his head put an end to that, but he knew the bear was a very slow learner.

He turned away and stared at the ceiling for a bit. Life as a prince had its trials and tribulations. Bored now, he kicked off the blanket and hopped out of bed.

Prince Sanji started the morning like he did the previous mornings, preparing breakfast for the three bears. He decided on hazelnut waffles with whip cream, sprinkled with cinnamon. When the cooking was done, the bears were already seated at the table, utensils in their hands and their mouths drooling in anticipation.

For bears, it was very alarming how fast and quiet they could move. They dug in like ravenous...bears.

With the breakfast done and the dishes cleaned and put away, Prince Sanji got dressed. He was running late to his side job.

The day before, the flyer advertizing for a baker brought him to a funny little house made out of pumpernickel. The inhabitant, a strange skinny fellow, calling himself the Great Good Wizard of the East, needed someone to bake him an assortment of desserts and sweets for a top-secret project. At first, the wizard wouldn't tell him what the secret was, but eventually he blabbed the whole thing to him. Not that Prince Sanji wanted to know. He heard wizards were an eccentric lot. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

The job interview went quickly after Wizard Usopp made sure he wasn't some troll or wolf in disguise. Prince Sanji started immediately, whipping up some cake and cookies. He would have made more, but he needed to be back home. It was nearly time for the three bears' dinner. He left in such a hurry that he forgot to ask what his wage would be.

Just so he didn't have to hurry back to the cottage like the day before, Prince Sanji came up with a plan. He made brunch, lunch, and high tea for the three bears and hid them somewhere in the house. Hopefully they wouldn't find it right away.

He was on his way out when the duck nudged him from behind. "Huh? What do you want? Are you hungry too?" He stopped and tried to shoo it away. "I got something to do."

The duck wasn't listening to him and continued to chase after him, quacking at him.

"Leave me alone!"

"Carue wants to go with you," Chopper Bear spoke. He appeared, eating a croissant ham sandwich, their brunch.

"Carue? Who's Carue?"

"He's Carue," Luffy Bear said matter-of-factly. He was stuffing his mouth full of rice balls, their lunch.

Deflated, Prince Sanji shook his head. "Shit, I don't want him to come with me."

"Oh! Carue can stay and play tag with us," Luffy Bear offered. It wouldn't have been a bad idea except he was drooling excessively when he said it.

Carue didn't miss the hungry expression on Luffy Bear's face and panicked, quacking loudly again.

"He said you could ride him," Chopper Bear explained.

"Ride him?" He stared at Carue, wondering how that was suppose to work. He had never even ridden a horse let alone a duck. Didn't he need some kind of a harness and a saddle? "I don't want to ride him. I can walk."

When he said this, Carue became very upset. The duck cried and gave him his saddest eyes.

Prince Sanji wanted to argue against the idea. No way he was riding a duck. It was out of the question. Princes don't ride ducks.

"I would ride him," Luffy Bear exclaimed. "Sounds like fun!"

"Me too! Me too!" Chopper Bear jumped in.

"Shouldn't every prince have a faithful steed to ride?" Brook Bear interrupted. He held a dainty tea cup and was munching on a scone, their high tea. His final appearance bummed him out.

Prince Sanji gave up. He was outnumbered four to one and he was already late for work.

It was a tricky business riding a duck. Mounting took a couple of attempts. The bears tried to help, but Luffy Bear ended up chewing on Carue's leg, which earned him another hard kick from Prince Sanji. When he was finally seated on Carue, he felt uneasy like he was about to fall off. Now what? How was he suppose to control him? How was he suppose to guide him to Wizard Usopp's house? There were no reins.

By some unknown mean, Carue took off, startling him. He quickly wrapped his arms around his neck and held on to dear life. He barely heard the bears scream their good-byes to him.

Somehow Carue knew where to go and they raced along the brick road at breakneck speed. It wasn't long before they reached their destination. Suddenly Carue halted and Prince Sanji let go and unceremoniously fell to ground.

Grumpily, he glared at Carue. The duck simply tilted his head and gave him an innocent look before wandering off to graze on the tall grasses.

Prince Sanji reached into his coat pocket. He needed a smoke.

Standing up, he dusted himself off and straightened his necktie. The house looked the same as before, small and partially built. He got to the door intending to knock on it when it swung open.

"You got here just in time," Wizard Usopp shouted. He grabbed him and pulled him inside. "I send her off on an errand. We have to hurry before she gets back."

Prince Sanji's interest was perked at the mention of a female person, but he didn't get a chance to inquire who this individual could be. Instead Wizard Usopp shoved a sheet of paper into his hand. He glanced down at it and saw a long list of things to cook: doors, cabinets, shelves, windowsills and etcetera.

"I'm thinking about a mosaic background for the kitchen wall. I want a contemporary look. What do you think? Can you do chocolate tiles? Vanilla cabinet doors? And hard coffee toffee floors?"

Prince Sanji hesitated, gnawing on his cigarette. "I thought you wanted me to bake gingerbread."

"Yeah, yeah I do! But I was up all night thinking. If I'm going to build my house, might as well do it right and go all out." Wizard Usopp ran to his desk, snatched a thick book and flipped through the pages. "I want to do a different theme for each room. Cookies-n-cream for the downstairs bathroom. Strawberry shortcake for the guestroom. And check out this tutti frutti. This would look great for my workspace."

It was a little more than what Prince Sanji was initially told. The book Wizard Usopp showed him was a interior design catalog. Wanting to be open-minded, he took the book from him and peered at the pages. What he found surprised him. Honestly, they weren't so bad. There were a few layouts that he didn't care for, but the majority were original, creative and fun. The candy cane living room was his favorite. The red and white striped design worked well his eyes. Excited, they chatted over which room to start.

"Hey you numbskulls! You think could forget the home decorating and shut up," someone protested. Then there was a continuous sound of metal clanking. The racket was loud and annoying.

Prince Sanji followed source of the noise to a small cage hanging from the ceiling. Strange, he didn't notice a cage there before. What was even stranger was the burly, green-haired man inside the cage. He was sitting, his arms and legs dangling out of the cage, looking as mad as hell.

"Who's that?" he asked suspiciously. He didn't like the mean nasty look of the fellow.

"Huntsman Zoro, another guest to my home," Wizard Usopp replied irritatedly. "Seriously. I need a good moat around my house. I get all sorts of weirdos dropping by my house."

"Who are you calling a weirdo?" he spat back. He rattled the bars of his cage.

Wizard Usopp groaned and shook his head dolefully. "I forgot to feed him this morning so he's grumpy," he explained. He ran back to his desk and pulled out a slop bucket from underneath. Reaching the cage, he started tossing pieces of raw meat at him.

"Stop that!" Huntsman Zoro raged. Since the cage was so tiny, there was no room to maneuver and the meat smacked him in the face. "I don't want to eat that crap!"

"Now, now. Calm down. Just eat and go back to sleep." He continued throwing food at him, but this only served to further piss the huntsman.

"When I get out of here, I'm going to cut you into tiny pieces!" Huntsman Zoro managed to swing the cage forward a bit as he tried to grab the wizard.

Wizard Usopp yelped fearfully and hid behind Prince Sanji. "Don't make me use my ultra-powerful good wizard magic on you again."

Huntsman Zoro grunted in boredom. His eyes left the wizard and fell on Prince Sanji, the newcomer. "What are you staring at, curly-brow?"

Snapped out of his stupor, Prince Sanji took a step forward and snarled, "What did you say!?"

"Are you deaf as well as stupid-looking, dartboard?"

"Say that again, moss-head!"

"Tough guy! Why don't you come in here and say that to my face."

"Why don't you come down here instead, muscles for brain!"

They traded insults for a good hour until Wizard Usopp did something bizarre, knocking both he and the huntsman unconscious.

Not exactly the best second day on the job.


	11. Chapter 11

Disenchanted

Princess Nami woke up hungry and bored. Naturally a trip to the kitchen was in order. Surprisingly the kitchen still had the lingering smell of baked food from the night before. Whoever visited while she was gone made some excellent pastries. Feeling inspired, she decided to take it upon herself to make breakfast.

Unfortunately the cabinet proved higher than she thought.

There was a moment of silence, then an eruption of clang and rattle. Princess Nami, her arms covering her head, peered down. She grimaced at the sight. At her feet were Wizard Usopp's pots, pans and broken dishes.

That didn't go as planned and it started out as a nice morning too.

She continued to gape at the mess until she heard Wizard Usopp's voice hollering for her. She thought it wise to clear out of there. Tiptoeing around the floor, she headed towards the living room.

"What were you doing in there?" Huntsman Zoro snapped. "I'm trying to sleep."

Startled, Princess Nami took a step back and glared. "None of your business," she returned sharply. She almost forgot about the huntsman.

After Huntsman Zoro succumbed to Wizard Usopp's magic, they were baffled with what to do with him. Wizard Usopp wanted to simply toss him out and lock the door. Princess Nami quickly explained he was too bullheaded and persistent. Given enough time he would still find his way back to kill her. She suggested he transform him into a frog since he had the hair color for it. That wasn't possible. Sheepishly, Wizard Usopp admitted he failed his transfiguration course at magic school.

His next idea wasn't so nice for a good wizard. She immediately put her foot down before she became too gross out. Seriously, baking Huntsman Zoro into a shape of a gingerbread man and feeding him to his army of 8000? What was he thinking? That was like...cannibalism.

They debated for a while longer until finally they decided to place him in one of Wizard Usopp's bug cages. It was a very big cage for bugs, but a very small cage for a human. Princess Nami didn't want to know what kind of bugs were kept in there. The huntsman stayed in the cage all night, snoring away.

Fully awake, Huntsman Zoro gave her a hard look. She paid no attention to him and waltzed to the table where she calmly took a seat and started snacking on the gingerbread cookies left there. It wasn't long before Wizard Usopp stormed in. His face was as red as a beet.

"What did you do to my kitchen?" He was out of breath and shaking in anger.

"Me?" She feigned innocent while munching on a cookie. "I didn't do anything. Ask him." She jerked her thumb at Huntsman Zoro.

"Don't pin it on me!"

Wizard Usopp made a ridiculous face at her like he was holding his breath. Then he dropped to his knees and pounded his fists on the ground, wailing, "Why me? Why me?"

Alarmed, Princess Nami turned to Huntsman Zoro, but he went back to sleep.

"I have another errand for you," Wizard Usopp said depressingly.

Bundled in her vermilion riding hood, Princess Nami made sure her basket was supplied with snacks for the journey. Wizard Usopp had another delivery that needed to be made to Witch Robin, which meant another trip over the river and through the woods. The majority of the trip wasn't so bad. It was crossing the bridge that gave her the willies.

The bridge was wooden and old, but sturdy. The river below was fast, deep and scary. Whenever she stepped on the wooden planks of the bridge, it went TRIP TRAP, TRIP TRAP, TRIP TRAP. Nothing out of the ordinary. At least that was what she told herself. All the same, she always made an effort to hurry across. This time was no different.

Princess Nami nervously looked over the side of the bridge and saw the same river. Clutching her basket, she started her way across.

TRIP TRAP, TRIP TRAP, TRIP TRAP.

"Who goes there?" a tiny cute voice asked curiously.

Princess Nami froze and slowly moved her head to the sound. She saw a pink hat and pair of furry ears underneath the bridge. Slowly it climbed up and waved at her. Getting a better look, it was a teddy bear with its huge dark round eyes.

"Hello," she said, relieved. She gave it a wiggly finger wave. Nothing scary there. "I'm Princess Nami."

"What are you doing?" another different voice asked. His voice was on the other side of the bridge.

She turned around and found a straw hat with big ears emerging from beneath the bridge. He climbed up and joined the other one, grinning. Taller than the first bear, he had on a red vest and wore sandals.

"I'm on my way to Witch Robin," she answered hesitantly. What were bears doing on a bridge?

"Ooh," they sang in unison. Then they giggled uncontrollably.

"Madam, I have an important question to ask you." The third voice was older and distinct.

Expecting another oddball fellow, Princess Nami stopped herself short and almost cried out loud. Her mouth dropped open and she stared upwards. The third bear had a hat like the other two and he was tall, much taller than the second bear. Dressed in fine old clothes, he had a bushy thick hair and carried with him a walking cane. There was that little matter of looking like a skeleton that threw her off.

He walked up to her, lifted his hat and bowed to her. They stared at each other for a long moment before he cleared his throat. "Madam," he spoke to her in a serious tone, "may I see your panties?"

Princess Nami let out a long, high-pitched scream and ran as fast as she could. She ran across the bridge and onto the road. She ran through the woods. She ran and ran until she reached the purple shoe house that belonged to Good Witch Robin. The door was open and she ran inside.

Panting so hard, she almost keeled over. That would have been most unprincess-like so instead she collapsed onto a soft comfy sofa chair. Witch Robin, who she saw was busy tidying her workspace, grinned at her. The many sprouted hands were rearranging books and cleaning with feather dusters and mops.

"Good day," Witch Robin said. Suddenly a hand appeared and offered Princess Nami a glass of water, which she gratefully accepted. She downed the entire glass before she could speak.

"You will not believe what just happened to me."

"You were accosted by three bears on the bridge?"

Princess Nami opened her mouth and then bit on her upper lip. "Yes."

Witch Robin chuckled lightly and continued with her cleaning. "That happens once in a while."

"You could have warned me about them," she muttered under her breath.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"Never mind." Princess Nami heaved a heavy breath and returned the empty glass to the awaiting hand. "I have another delivery for you from Wizard Usopp. He sends you some plants." She paused when she realized something was wrong. Her basket. Where was her basket? She ran away so quickly, she didn't notice her basket was gone.

"Is something wrong?"

"My basket. I lost my basket." She winced, closed her eyes and clenched her fists. What else could go wrong? "I must have dropped it at the bridge."

"I have another basket you may have," Witch Robin offered.

"No. It's not the basket that worries me. It was what I was carrying in the basket. Wizard Usopp's plants and my...soda bottle," Princess Nami uttered unhappily. She had never told anybody about her soda bottle and Frankystiltskin, not even to Wizard Usopp, who she didn't quite trust. Being a poor princess, Frankystiltskin was her most prized possession so naturally she wanted to keep a lid on it. A magical entity was still rare and unusual, even if all he ever did was sing, dance, and make cola out of water.

"Soda bottle?" she inquired. She stopped her cleaning and her attention was fully on her.

The cat was out of the bag so to speak and Princess Nami explained to Witch Robin about her soda bottle and Frankystiltskin. She listened patiently and became a little concerned when she mentioned about the encounter with the three bears.

"I am afraid to say the three bears may have taken your basket along with your soda bottle."

"You think so?" she said worriedly.

"Bears adore baskets, especially picnic baskets. I only hope Frankystiltskin isn't violently torn to shreds and gruesomely eaten. Bears are very aggressive by nature."

That left a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Think positively, Princess Nami told herself. It was possible that the bears left her basket alone and her soda bottle was safe and sound where she dropped it. She should hurry back and find her basket immediately. And even if they did find her basket, her soda bottle looked like any other soda bottle. Did they know how to open? It was a tricky bottle. How smart were bears?

And if by some miniscule chance the worst case scenario did happen, surely Frankystiltskin knew how to defend himself. Sure, he was a tiny fellow and nearly naked when she first found him, but he was still a magical being after all. He must have an arsenal of magic. For instance, he could give the bears type II diabetes with his cola.

Riddled with guilt, deep down she feared the worst and it was all her fault. She needed to rescue Frankystiltskin. Princess Nami looked to Witch Robin. "I need to ask you for a favor."

Back to the bridge Princess Nami ran. No sign of her basket or the three bears. Where could they have gone? She searched the surrounding area and soon found evidence of their involvement. A trail of candy and granola bar wrappers. Those thieving bears! They did take her basket and they were eating her snacks.

She followed the trash until she reached a tiny cottage. She could see movement inside and cursed her luck. She had hoped it wouldn't get dangerous. It was a good thing she asked Witch Robin for the invisible cape. She was greatly relieved when Witch Robin didn't ask for an eyeball, tongue, or her first born child as payment. Instead she told her to leave behind her riding hood which she had no problem doing.

Coming to edge of the clearing, Princess Nami steadied herself and draped the cape over herself and like magic, she vanished. She took a good look at herself and saw that she was indeed invisible. So far so good. She approached the cottage and quietly entered through the open door.

Surprisingly the place was neat and quiet. She didn't see the bears but she found her basket. It was emptied of its contents and lying on the ground. No soda bottle but, she gulped, thankfully no bloody mess. It had to be somewhere in the cottage.

The first room she explored had books and Wizard Usopp's plants of all things. Whoever took them, had planted them in pots and they were looking as well as expected. The second room was didn't hold much promise. Only musical instruments and music sheets. At the third room, she stopped and held her breath. There she saw the three bears sitting in a circle on the floor. The middle-sized bear with the straw hat was holding her soda bottle.

"How do you open it?" Luffy Bear held the bottle upside and bit at the glass container. Nothing happened.

"Let me see it," the tallest of bear said. He took the bottle from Luffy Bear and tried to remove the cap with his bony fingers, but with no success.

"I think you need a bottle opener," the smallest bear concluded. He had on a stethoscope and was trying to listen to Brook Bear's chest.

"That's boring. Let's break it!"

Princess Nami gasped in shock. She quickly realized her mistake and clasped her mouth with her hand.

"Did you hear that?" Luffy Bear asked, his ears wiggling.

Chopper Bear removed his stethoscope and perked his ears. "I don't hear anything."

The front door slammed closed and there were stomping noises.

"Oh! He's home!" Luffy Bear claimed excitedly. He got up on his feet and darted out of the room. Chopper Bear and Brook Bear chased after him. Princess Nami had to press herself against the wall to avoid getting trampled. Unfortunately, Luffy Bear took the soda bottle with him.

"We're hungry!" they shouted.

"Yes, yes! I know. I'll get dinner started," new voice stated angrily.

Another bear? Princess Nami cautiously peered around the corner, but couldn't see the individual. The three bears crowded around him, jumping and shouting. All she could see was the black suit he was wearing. From the tone of his gruff voice, he sounded very annoyed and unfriendly.

"That shitty wizard made me late."

"Food! Food! Food!"

"All right, already!" A fire was started on the stove and he was cooking.

Princess Nami reevaluated her situation from the hallway. Another person made things harder. Whoever lived with three bears had to be dangerous. Maybe she should make her getaway while she still had the chance.

"What do you have there?" the grumpy voice asked.

"A soda bottle. We can't open it," Luffy Bear lamented.

He sighed. "Give that to me. I have a bottle opener."

Princess Nami froze in her spot. She heard a drawer open and someone rustling through the contents. Then there was a sharp pop and a release of air. They were going to find Frankystiltskin.

"Here you go."

"Yippee!"

A few seconds later. "Aww, there's nothing in here. It's empty."

Relief flooded her. Frankystiltskin didn't come out. Maybe he knew the danger he was in. Now she hoped they simply threw the bottle away. When the coast was clear, she could collect it and be on her merry way.

"Wow! There's someone in here," Luffy Bear said in awe.

"Tsk! Don't be a dumbass. No one can live in a bottle."

"Look! Look!"

"There is someone," Chopper Bear exclaimed.

"Make it come out!"

It was too late. They discovered Frankystiltskin. If she didn't do something, they were going to eat him. Princess Nami had to make her move. Her plan was dumb, but what else could she do. She was going to run into the kitchen, snatch the bottle and get out of there. Hopefully with her being invisible, they would freak out and not do anything.

Princess Nami sneaked into the kitchen and saw the fourth individual. Tall, lanky and with blond hair, she could only view him from behind. He was smoking a cigarette and was watching the three bears. Luffy Bear had the bottle and was shaking it. Shaking it hard.

In that span of a few seconds, time seemed to have slowed down. Vaguely Princess Nami remembered the warning about shaking the bottle. Frankystiltskin was adamant about never shaking the bottle. He never did explain what would happen if the bottle was shook.

Luffy Bear stopped and went bug-eyed. Everyone stared at the bottle in his hand. It was shaking violently on its own. Then whole kitchen began to tremble and rattle like an earthquake.

"Shit!"

Princess Nami didn't wait to see. She turned the other way and ran out the front door.

It was an explosion of cola. The cottage was flooded with cola.


	12. Chapter 12

Disenchanted

Bubbly cola was pouring out from the windows, door and even the chimney. It was an amazing sight. Princess Nami had found a safe and dry place to stand and watched the cola flow unabated. She wondered how much cola there was.

To her surprise, Frankystiltskin floated through an open window, riding in a little cooking pot. A little wet, his hair was flat and hung over his face. He seemed very displeased. He paddled to where she was using a wooden laden. "This is a fine mess, girly," he mumbled.

How did he see... That was right. Frankystiltskin was magical so he could see through the invisible cape. She took it off and put it away. She didn't need it anymore. "At least you're all right."

"No thanks to you." He grunted and pulled out a comb to fix his hair.

"I tried to rescue you," Princess Nami protested. If this was gratitude, she should have let the bears eat him.

"And how did I end up here in the first place?"

She paused and squirmed under his gaze. "I might have accidentally dropped your bottle somewhere."

"Uh-huh."

"It could have happened to anyone."

"Sure."

To change the topic, she asked, "How long is this going to last? The cola is rising fast."

Frankystiltskin shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Forever?"

"What?!" Princess Nami grabbed Frankystiltskin by the collar of his shirt and lifted him out of the cooking pot. "Can't you turn it off? The whole place is flooding."

"Hey! Hey! Be careful with the clothes." He struggled until she set him down on the stone fence. "If the cap is back on, it should seal the bottle."

"Really?" Then she looked back at the cottage. Half of it was already submerged and the cola wasn't slowing down. "How are we suppose to do that?"

Again Frankystiltskin shrugged his shoulders. "But maybe we should find higher ground first." He indicated to their feet.

Princess Nami gasped audibly. So absorbed by the flooding cola, she didn't realize the trouble they were in. The level of the cola had reached her ankles and they were surrounded. They would have to swim, but she didn't know where to go.

"Oh dear. This is a problem," a feminine voice spoke. "Everyone in this land will drown if this continues."

"Good Witch Robin!" Princess Nami cried.

Seated very comfortably on a lounge chair underneath a sun parasol, Witch Robin put down her book and sat up. Her boat was a large buttercup flower. The shiny bright yellow petals had no problem keeping her afloat. Her flower boat drifted near them and they quickly hopped aboard.

"What are we going to do?" A strong wave rocked the buttercup boat and Princess Nami nearly lost her balance. Luckily Frankystiltskin caught her before she fell. The little guy was stronger than he looked. The situation was getting extreme. The carbonation from the cola was creating unpredictable currents.

"It appears we need to halt the source." Witch Robin sprouted her magical arms and hands and they paddled her boat away to a calmer area.

Princess Nami sat down and held onto one of the petals. "By capping the bottle again," she spoke as she gritted her teeth. "We figure that out, but how?"

"It's you!" Wizard Usopp wailed. He was panting heavily as he biked his way on a tricycle. The tricycle was outfitted with a pair of skis so it glided on the cola. It looked very rudimentary. Wizard Usopp was pedaling wildly but moved at a slow snail pace. Dragging behind him was Huntsman Zoro in the giant bug cage.

"Oh, hi there. How are you doing? Nice weather we're having," Princess Nami bumbled nervously.

He parked his tricycle next to the flower boat and jumped off, wagging his finger at her. "This is all your fault, isn't it!"

"No, no, no! I was...I was mugged." It was almost true. "Anyways, why did you bring the huntsman with you?"

Wizard Usopp narrowed his eyes and sneered, "I couldn't leave him home alone. Something might happen to him. Unlike other people, I'm a responsible good wizard."

Huntsman Zoro harrumphed and shook his head.

Suddenly there was a loud geyser of cola and something burst to the surface. The three bears appeared, drenched and frightened. They were on a sofa couch, clutching the upholstery. Luffy Bear held a drinking straw and was slurping the cola from where he lied.

"Oi!" Chopper Bear yelled, waving frantically. "Help! Help!"

A giant duck swam towards them. Yes, a giant duck. Princess Nami rubbed her eyes and looked again. It was a giant yellow duck wearing a blue knitted cap. Where did it come from?

The three bears were jumping up and down and calling to it.

"Hurry! He's still down there. Help him!" Brook Bear cried. He pointed down beneath the surface of the cola. The duck circled the spot where Brook Bear pointed and then dove down.

Princess Nami watched, feeling very anxious. She couldn't tell what was happening. It was hard to see anything in the dark bubbly cola.

Quiet and a little confused, everyone stared at the spot where the duck disappeared. Minutes went by with nothing. Then the duck popped back up to the surface and shook itself. In its bill was a limp mass of black, a man with yellow hair. The duck swam over to sofa where the three bears pulled him up.

"We should address our concern on the immediate problem," Witch Robin interrupted. She was right. The cola was turning the area into a lake now. "Good Wizard Usopp, if we combine our powers we should be able hold back the cola long enough for Princess Nami and Frankystiltskin to cap the soda bottle."

Wizard Usopp slumped. "That's hard to do," he moaned.

"Simply follow my lead." Witch Robin stood behind Wizard Usopp and held his hands out and started flapping his arms. Up and down they moved their arms like they were trying to fly.

Alarmed, Princess Nami protested, "Wait a second. You want us to go and cap the bottle?"

Very slowly the cola was blow back. It wasn't long before the cola parted and a path was formed. The path ran from the flower boat all the way to the three bears' cottage.

"Hurry. The cola continues to flow. This is our only chance."

"Let's go," Frankystiltskin hollered. He climbed off the boat and jogged down the path.

Princess Nami stood dumbfounded.

"Oi," Huntsman Zoro called. She turned and caught a little bag he threw to her. "Take these. They might come in handy."

She opened the bag and peered inside. "Bottle caps?"

"They're from beer bottles. I like to collect them," Huntsman Zoro explained simply.

"Thanks," she mumbled. She chased after Frankystiltskin.

It was intimidating travelling down the path. On both side of the path was a wall of cola that bubbled and swirled. She neared the cottage and saw it in disarray. Cola continued to spill out from the windows and door.

Inside Frankystiltskin was doing his magic. He was controlling the flow the best he could. At least that what she thought. It looked like he was drinking the cola. It was amazing seeing a tiny man drinking so much soda. It streamed into his mouth and disappeared. He waved at her and pointed to the bottle. It was standing upright in the middle of the kitchen.

Princess Nami rushed over to the bottle and went through the bag Huntsman Zoro gave. There were a lot of bottle caps of different colors and sizes. She picked one out and placed it on bottle, but it shot off the soda bottle. She cried and stepped back. She tried another cap with the same result. Was she doing it wrong? She didn't have this much trouble before.

One cap after another, none of them fit. Things were getting desperate. Princess Nami was running out of bottle caps. She was down to her last cap. If it didn't work they needed to escape. She closed her eyes, prayed, and slapped the last cap on the bottle.

Like all harrowing situations, success was on the last attempt and the bottle was sealed.

Her knees gave away and Princess Nami collapsed on the floor.

Frankystiltskin let out a long loud belch. "Excuse me." He patted his chest.

Of course there was still the matter of the wall of cola that Witch Robin and Wizard Usopp were holding back. Frankystiltskin couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't drink anymore. Actually, at the moment he was sick of cola. Instead, they rushed out of the cottage and returned to the buttercup boat.

It was a good thing they did. Wizard Usopp was exhausted from the constant flapping and he passed out with dizzy swirls in his eyes. Cottage was submerged in cola again, but at least it wasn't going to flood the entire land.

Witch Robin moved the boat to higher ground and Princess Nami jumped off followed by Frankystiltskin. Witch Robin stayed to tend to Wizard Usopp. Apparently it took a lot of magic power to hold back the cola.

"Do you think the cola will eventually drain off?" Princess Nami asked Frankystiltskin. Even though everyone was safe, the bears were effectively homeless. She felt a little bad. It was not like she dislike them or anything. They seemed like nice bears. She wondered if the bears had home insurance. She wondered if cola flooding was covered under nature disaster.

Instead of getting an answer from Frankystiltskin, she heard wailing.

The three bears had managed to navigate their sofa not far from them. The giant duck gave the sofa one good shove and it hit land. They carried the man off the sofa and dragged him onto a tuft of grass. The littlest bear was nudging the man. He listened to his chest and then rolled him over to his side. He didn't respond.

The bears cried.

"He's dead!" Brook Bear whimpered.

"No! Someone help him!"

Frankystiltskin jogged over to the man and checked on him. His wet floppy hair covered half his face and he looked lifeless. Strangely enough he still had a bent cigarette clenched in his mouth.

"Do you know CPR?" Princess Nami asked panicky. The situation had turned from bad to good and then back to bad again in a blink of an eye. It was stressful.

"Nah, he's breathing. He's cursed though."

"Cursed?" That didn't sound good either.

"Actually more like disenchanted," Frankystiltskin corrected himself. "The dude who cast it wasn't that good. He must have missed a few of the annual magic conferences."

"Oh," Princess Nami murmured. Like that made any sense.

"What are we going to do?" Chopper Bear sniffed. "He's not waking up."

"Who's going to make dinner now?"

It was at that inopportune moment the duck wandered in and gently nudged the man on the cheek. It let out a sad quack at the poor stranger. The bears quickly lost interest in their fallen companion. Their gaze fixated on the giant duck. Eyes sparkling and mouths drooling, even Princess Nami noticed the sudden shift of the mood. It was scary.

"Let's eat the duck!"

The duck ran. The bears ran after the duck. Princess Nami stood flabbergasted.

"Too bad for the duck." Frankystiltskin folded his arms and shook his head. "Such a waste too. It's an endangered species, a super rare variety of spot-billed ducks. The kind that lay golden eggs."

That got Princess Nami's attention in a snap. "Excuse me. You said golden eggs?"

He nodded.

"Why are you standing there? Do something! You have to save that duck." She lifted him off his feet for the second time that day.

"Hey, hey, hey. Watch the material. What am I suppose to do? The bears are hungry. They got to eat."

Eat? That was right. That man was suppose to make dinner for them. She threw Frankystiltskin aside and sprinted to him. She gripped his coat and started shaking him violently. "Wake up! Wake up!"

Rubbing the bump on his head, Frankystiltskin reprimanded her, "That's not going to do any good. I told you he's disenchanted. He's out cold."

"There's got to be a way to wake him up."

"Well..." Frankystiltskin began.

After a brief explanation, Princess Nami exclaimed in flat disbelief, "I have to KISS him? You're kidding?"

He shook his head.

She stared down and made a sour face. It was not like the man was hideous or anything. She simply didn't know him. Maybe if he wasn't drenched in cola, she would have a better impression of him. "It's your idea. You kiss him," she shot back at Frankystiltskin.

"I'm not a princess!"

Princess Nami rolled her head to the side and groaned. That again. If it wasn't someone trying to kill her or marry her, now she was stuck having to kiss random strangers. It sucked being a princess.

She exhaled a deep sigh. "Turn around then," she ordered.

"Why?"

"This is embarrassing enough as it is. I don't want you to look."

"Fine." He complied.

Bracing herself, she bent and pressed her lips against the back of his hand.

"That's not going to work!" Frankystiltskin yelled.

She jumped and snapped at him. "I told you not to look!"

"It's lips to lips. Not hand, not forehead, not cheek. LIPS!"

"Why should that make any difference? It's still a kiss."

"Look, I didn't write the rules. It's how it is. Quit stalling. The bears almost caught up to the duck."

Horrified, Princess Nami saw that Luffy Bear was on the duck's back and gnawing on the duck's hat. The other two bears were close behind. She was wasting time. Do for the duck that lays golden eggs, she told herself. Save the duck.

This time for real, she bent down, pulled out his cigarette and kissed him on the lips.

For a moment there was only the kiss, which wasn't as bad as she thought, but then a small applause interrupted it all.

Princess Nami jerked upright and saw Witch Robin and Wizard Usopp clapping. Back on his tricycle, Wizard Usopp had Huntsman Zoro in tow. He, of course, was napping again. Frankystiltskin gave her the thumbs up. Even the three bears, who were moments ago chasing the duck, were watching with a child-like fascination on their faces.

She wanted to smack everyone. When did they suddenly show up? But she didn't have time to vent her anger because the unconscious man began to stir. Princess Nami moved back and eyed him warily. His eyes blinked several times before he sat up. The bears cheered and gave him big hug.

Confused, he looked around. His eyes widened when he saw her. Before anyone knew it, he flew to her and dropped down to one knee. He held her hand and started singing about his eternal and everlasting love. It would have been sort of romantic if his nose wasn't bleeding profusely.

Prince Sanji, as he was introduced, continued his poetic declaration of love until Princess Nami suggested they go on a date first.

Despite the joyous moment, the day ended on a bitter note for Princess Nami. Carue, the duck that she wanted to save so desperately, turned out to be a boy-duck! So no golden eggs for her.

The three bears, having lost their home, went to live with Wizard Usopp. Of course Prince Sanji went with them. This made living with Wizard Usopp impossible so Princess Nami moved in with Witch Robin. This was both good and bad for Wizard Usopp. He couldn't decide which.

Princess Nami wrote a letter to Queen Kureha and asked her to rescind her order to kill her, which she did. This left Huntsman Zoro without any work until Witch Robin hired him. He got her all the body parts she ever needed and more.

Every so often Frankystiltskin would go skinny-dipping at Cola Lake, looking for his lost soda bottle. He was quite attached to his home so he never gave up hope. Travelers learned to avoid Cola Lake for this reason.

With Prince Sanji's help, Wizard Usopp continued his dream of Candyland. It wasn't easy because the three bears ate a lot of the sweets and pantries that Prince Sanji made.

On one of her many deliveries, Princess Nami saw the problems the bears were creating and came up with an ingenious solution. Her hobby being map drawing, she took a preliminary map of Candyland and turned it into a board game. That board game kept the bears entertained for hours every day. From there, she sold her board game to a toy company, called Hasbro and made millions off the royalty. Witch Robin's prediction came true.

And so the day came, they went on their first date. It was really unavoidable. There was only so many times Princess Nami could tell Prince Sanji she needed to wash her hair. Of all the places they could have gone, he took her to Disneyland. Was it the happiest or the most magical place on earth, Princess Nami didn't know. But it was certainly the most expensive place she had ever been to.

In the end, everyone lived happily ever after.

The End


End file.
